a little scared

Today is kind of a low one. I was planning to hang out with my brother and nephews and go spend a day at the discovery museum in sausalito but i had to cancel. my hip is doing scary things again. That feeling of instability, like my hip will give out on me is back. this morning i rode the stationary bike for a little bit, and then was doing a little stretching. i did a little straight leg stretch - bent over, like touching my toes, and my hip had that strange slippery feeling and then felt like it popped out of the socket - all in the matter of a second or two. startling and painful. and scary since that hadn't happened in almost 2 weeks :( then going up stairs in my house my hip had a sharp pain and instability again. all of a sudden my hip is feeling really loose again - like its dangling in the socket. i debated for a few minutes, but decided that a day of walking around and trying to interact with 2 year olds was a bad idea. seems like a day of even walking around my house is a bad idea. so, i'm on the couch. sad. its sunday so i can't even reach my doctor. i haven't called him yet with my scared questions but i think this deserves a phone call. my worst fears all come to the surface in times like these. what if my surgery made things worse, not better. what if i never even get to bike again, or walk and hike. its a beautiful day outside, but its a dark day here.