9 days post op

For some reason I've been highly unmotivated to post anything here since my latest surgery. No idea why, all news has been good news! I had my right hip operated on last Tuesday, April 5, so I'm officially a week and 2 days out from surgery today. This time around, my labrum didn't need to be reconstructed - and it required only a repair with 2 (or 3?) anchors, some bone shaving, cartilidge clean-up, and some microfracture, but not in a weight bearning area. This operation has been SO much easier than my left hip in January. I've been off pain killers (except for one before sleeping) pretty much since last Thursday or Friday. I felt like my hip joint muscles were wrecked for only the first day, and was able to actually do a real stride, rather than shuffle my foot along the floor, pretty much by day 2. So, now its just waiting, and being patient. I think I got a bit overly ambitious, thinking that by the time I left Vail I'd be pain free. But, even though I started in a relatively good position, the recovery is still slow as molassas. Gotta give it time. In other good news - the left hip is holding up really well - it hurts here and there, but I'm really pleased and glad for that. It misses its own p.t. though, and it misses riding the bike outside. Soon :) The restrictions and instructions are very similar to last time - 4 hours a day in the CPM machine (3 weeks), as much as possible in the game ready ice machine (2 weeks) and no external rotation or extension for 4 weeks, which means wearing the hip brace and strapping my feet together in foam boots at night (least favorite restriction). I'm on crutches for 4 weeks with 20 pound max weight bearing, and the fifth week its 50%, then i get to wean off of them (hoping that process is easier and faster this time). Right now, i'm in PT twice a day which lasts about 2 hours each time and involves riding the bike with no resistance for 20 minutes, some passive motion, soft tissue work (some not so soft), and some very mild strengthening stuff, followed by game ready icing. I've gone to the pool twice as well - which means 3 pt sessions those days. The rest of the time is spent getting time in on the CPM, reading, eating, sleeping and movies. Very repetitive. It gets old. Once again my parents have been total rockstars. They've both been with me the entire time, cooking, chauffeuring, helping sherpa things here and there. But, they were shocked also by how much less help i needed this time. I think that is a relief, and means they are getting more time to read and relax too. They also have taken advantage of the opportunity of being in the offices of world reknown orthopedic surgeons to have their own aches and pains checked out and my dad may be returning in the not too distant future for his own knee repair. Good stuff. Other than that - I miss home. I'm anxious to be back, to be engaged in life a bit more, and have a little more variety in my day to day! I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel big time. In fact, i think its becoming super bright. I just need to make sure i take my time in getting there so I don't trip and fall and make this any longer than it needs to be. Patience. I think the reason I haven't been motivated to post is that its all pretty boring! But boring is good :) Thank you for your well wishes, calls, emails, texts, etc. Adds some light to my day. I am sure that all the good mojo sent my way has a large part in how well this has turned out. Thanks :) xxoo

Turning a Corner

Last weekend i had to take big jump backwards to move forward again. But, its working! Going back onto two crutches helped my hip settle down. The pain subsided and the loose feeling mellowed out. I'm back to alternating between one and two crutches - but I feel i'm close to losing the sticks completely. Yesterday in the pool i did some waist deep walking and felt incredibly different than I had just last week. I could take a full forceful stride without a lot of pain (just a small pain in the hip flexor, which is still weak). I could stand and balance on the one leg. TFL is getting stronger. I know, little things, but huge progress.

I also got back onto my regular road bike (on the trainer) rather than riding the stationary bike. Clipless pedals, bike shorts, my goodness, it feels strange. But so good to sweat. I only rode for under an hour, and if I had a power meter on i'm sure it would be laughable, but I'll take it. I'm hoping the sun will start shining around here and in the next week or so i'll be able to get out on the road and ride a few times before the next surgery.

Speaking of which, the next surgery is just over 3 weeks from now. I'll be driving from Denver to Vail in exactly three weeks. Boy am I ready. As I'm starting to do more, my right hip has started to have the familiar pains in the front, back, side, allover basically. So, any doubts or feelings of "i can just live with it" have left. Its going to be a long wait, but this wait will be sweet, because it will be the last wait. Enough with this year and all of my pieces falling apart.

I have a lot to rebuild in terms of strength. I did a plank yesterday, and I lasted about 10 seconds. I used to do those for minutes, repeats. I'm sore today too. But hey, I'm excited to just be able to do it and not have my hip or my clavicle limiting me. My biggest challenge will be to have patience, and not do too much too soon. Last thing i want is another injury.

3 weeks to surgery, 3 weeks in Vail, probably another 2-3 weeks until i'm where I am right now on the other hip. I'm expecting and hoping that the next surgery won't need a reconstruction and that it will be less difficult. If my timeline is right, that means in less than 10 weeks I'll be on my bike. That seems almost ok!!

2 Steps Backwards

Bad news. Back on 2 crutches and hip is feeling loose. Crappy combo. Its been a rough few days. Walking on one crutch was a stretch - but it was so much more convenient and felt like "progress" so i kept going. Only, it was getting more and more painful, which is not the goal. So, back onto 2 crutches based on the reality check from my PT. If I'm walking like a pirate with a peg leg, either get an eye patch or bring back the second crutch.

This week was also the first week of adding external rotation and extension. I hadn't been allowed to do that for the first 5 weeks in order to let the joint capsule heal up all nice and tight. This was because of the looseness I had been feeling after surgery. So, I'd worn the damn hip brace for 5 weeks. I hadn't taken a full stride for 5 weeks. And had slept in the damn foot boots with my feet strapped together for 5 weeks. All sucky annoying things that I did, thinking it would pay off in the end. Things seemed to be going well. Tightening up. Less and less incidences of looseness. Well, its been 3 days of freeing myself from those restrictions and the looseness is back. Wonderful. Very discouraging.

I have an email in to my dr. people to see what their advice is.

Meantime, icing and advilling and blogging :)

happy saturday folks.
v

Walking is hard

Yesterday was the start of "50% weight bearing". This means that if I'm standing still, i can put even weight on both feet. If I'm walking I need to still use the crutches so that when I step on the operated leg, I only get 50% of my weight. Well, standing is hard, walking is next to impossible. Everything in my hip screams when I try to walk with any sort of normal stride. Its sort of spooky. Get lots of crunching and popping to. None of this really worries me - I guess that says a lot about where I'm at with this mentally. I hope by the end of this week (i.e. 4th week post op), I can at least walk semi comfortably at 50% weighbearing. And, I hope the other hip is easier and faster to recover, because this is pretty slow. Mostly, I hope this hip just ends up healing up all nice and smooth and pain-free - even if it takes its sweet time.

3 Weeks post-op (tomorrow)

We left the cozy security of Vail and Howard Head and have returned to San Francisco - and I'll be going back to work tomorrow. Tomorrow, I also get to start weight bearing 50% weight on my left leg - still with crutches. A week later, I get to say goodbye to them entirely - assuming I can learn to walk with no extension past neutral, otherwise it'll be another week after that. CPM leaves me tomorrow or Wednesday. Already said goodbye to the gameready - which was sad. Unfortunately, some of my other restrictions ahve been lengthened - I'm still required to limit external rotation and extension - and that's been extended from 3 weeks to 5 weeks - to be sure that my joint capsule/hip heals all nice and tight. So, still have the damn bolster and boots at night, and the hip brace for another 2 weeks. It'll go by fast, no worries. Also stil have the calf pumps for another week. So, that should be manageable I suppose. I can bend over and put that stuff on and off myself at night - so its more just annoying than impossible.

Its been a rough transition - leaving a place where I spent most of my days either in PT or on the couch, and had two loving people around me to help me with everything (i can count on one hand the number of meals i prepared during the 2+ weeks we were in Vail). I now have PT 3 times a week - and I only have 30 minutes with my pt at those sessions. I'm thinking about upping it to 5 times a week (prescription says 3-5), but i'll see how this goes. I'm supposed to do constant passive motion for 20 minutes 1 to 2 times a day for the next 8 weeks. So, this gets done 3 times a week in therapy - the rest of the time, i suppose i'll go to the pool to do it, or beg my brother or some other poor soul to do it. Friends beware, I may show up at your houses asking you to move my leg around in circles... it'll be fun!

Janet - pool therapy was awesome. Basically, a bit of aqua jogging with the aqua jogger belt (totally new for me) and some kicking on my back. some mini squats and some side standing leg lifts, and then some walking, forward, backward, side to side. Today I actually swam a little - with a pool bouy between my legs. My upper body is finally going to get some muscle back (after 8 months of a weak/broken collarbone) - crutches and pool should do the trick.

I'm also supposed to ride a bike with no resistance for 30 minutes a day 2 times a day. My road bike on a trainer isn't working unfortunately (not comfy at all and very hard to get onto with my restrictions), so I'm scrambling to find a spin bike somewhere that I can have at home, rather than having to drive to the gym 2 times a day every day.

In between this will be work and catching up on everything that i've missed.

As for how the hip feels. So far so good. Much harder recovery than last time - I think last time I felt great a few days post op, and would have been happy walking less than a week later. This time, I'm only now starting to think that going to 50% weighbearing sounds like a good idea. Hip is still quite tender some days, other days/times it feels pretty good. I think my adductor is working overtime and sometimes just screams at me - as does the graft site. My IT band and everything that connects with it will need a lot of love in the coming weeks. All in all though, I think I have a more realistic idea of the trajectory of recovery. I don't get all cocky and over confident on good days, and I'm more able to take in stride the bad days. I do also feel like my hip is slowly tightening up (which definitely helps me take things more in stride). I don't care if my hip still still hurts - so long as its not falling out of the socket, i'm happy. I'm hoping that the next week of increasing the work the hip has to do won't cause any major flare ups - but I won't be suprised if I'm in for a bit of pain here and there. I'm very excited to get to walk crutch free again soon - its just a pain in the arse.

Next surgery has been pushed back a couple of weeks - and is now scheduled for April 5. I originally was scheduled for exactly 7 weeks after the first surgery, and now it will be 10 weeks. I think that will make it a bit easier on my recovering hip to deal. Counting down the days!

Thank you thank you thank you for everyone who has been there for me through this time - and the past 8-9 months. It means so much. what's important in life has certainly become more clear to me in this process.

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I CANNOT wait to be riding my bike one day and think - my hips don't hurt! doesn't seem too far off now.

Groundhog Day

Tonight marks the one week anniversary of my hip surgery. In some ways, the past seven days have flown by. In other ways they have crept so slowly by. Every day I feel a little better. My least favorite thing about the recovery time are the restrictions while I sleep - I despise having to sleep flat on my back with my feet strapped in to the foot bolsters - unable to move. I'm counting down the days til that is no longer required.

Every day is somewhat the same. It starts like this: I wake up in bed, flat on my back, feet strapped to a bolster, calf pumps strapped around my calves, game ready machine strapped around my thigh and hip. Stiff, sore, a little sweaty. (nice, yes). I call out, as nicely as i can "help" - and my mom, who usually hears me on the first or second shout, comes in to undo all of the contraptions. I grab the crutches, hobble to the kitchen, and have coffee and enough food to give a little cushion for the pain killers and all the other medications I'm taking to help my hip. I shower - which is tricky and interesting balancing on one foot - and get dressed in some baggy shorts, slip on vans, a tee shirt, and fleece. Then we head out the door and down the elevator into the car, and drive into vail where I crutch into the Howard Head PT and plop myself onto a bike.

I have PT at Howard Head 2 times a day - usually lasting 90 minutes to two hours each session, along with a 20 minute driver there and back. The PT is great. It consists of about 20 minutes no resistance on an exercise bike. Then, I work with a PT for the next 40 minutes to one hour - doing passive circumduction, some soft tissue massage, and some very mellow exercises to get the muscles firing again. So far, both of the PTs I've worked with specialize in hips and are intimately familiar with what was done inside mine. It is reassuring. I wish I could pack one up and take her home with me.

My parents, who are my everything during this time (cook, chauffeur, nurse, psychologist), wait in the lobby for me - chatting with the other 'regulars', writing emails, doing stitchery and reading. After my PT is over, we head back to the condo, eat and I spend whatever time I have in some combination of the cpm machine, game ready, and calf pumps. Then its back to PT to do it all over again.

Evenings usually involve some reading, a movie and food. Luckily I've had a few visitors to mix it up - which as been lovely. Then its off to bed - where I strap into the game ready machine, the calf pumps, and the bolster, take a few pain pills, and drift off to sleep.

I'm still on pain pills - every 4 hours. This surprises me, since last surgery I was off pain killers about one day post op. I'm also still very limited in movements due to pain and restrictions. Also, a new thing compared to last surgery. Each day seems to get a little easier, and the swelling goes down just a little bit. My hips were about 2x as wide as normal for the first 4 days or so - but they are slowly decreasing in size. Along with the decrease in size, there is a decrease in swelling.

In PT I see lots of other hip patients - at all stages of recovery. It does seem like those who had labral reconstruction have a harder the time first few days than the others. I'm told by the PTs that, in time, this all equalizes and recovery time ends up being about the same.

The first few days after surgery, my biggest concern was that my hip still felt loose. I've talked to the surgeon about this, as well as the fellow, the Surgeon's assistant, both of my PTs and a few other patients (yes, I like to talk when I'm worried). One thing I heard from another patient was the most reassuring thing anyone has said. Apparently Dr. Philippon lets people view the surgery - both the fellows and the PTs on occassion. At the end of a labrum reconstruction, he forcibly attempts to distract the femur from the hip socket at various angles in order to make sure the new labrum has created the suction seal he wanted. The femur does not come out. I believe everyone's confidence that my hip is not loose is based on this fact. I think the looseness I'm feeling is a looseness in the joint capsule, and I am hopefull that this will tighten with time and with the reactivation/strengthening of the muscles. In any event, knowing that my femur is secure in the socket is reassuring - I don't have the feeling of the bone clunking around in the socket as I did before. I am so glad I chose to do this surgery with Dr. Philippon. I feel that I'm in very good hands.

Today I could go to the Pool to start aquatic therapy - which they have every tuesday and thursday. Today's conflicts with my PT, so I'm going to go to PT instead. Maybe thursday I'll go to the pool. I have some fear of the pool - only because that was the first place where my hip subluxed after my first surgery - 10 days post op. So, that's a little hurdle I need to make it over.

We originally were planning to go home this Friday - me back to SF and my parents back to LA. But, we've decided to stay another 6 days - mostly because I can't go back to work at this point anyways, and I also wouldn't be able to do most of this on my own. It is so important to me that I comply with all of their instructions as much as possible to do the most I can do to make a full recovery.

Most of the restrictions are lifted at week three - including the despised bolster. At that point, I can sleep however I want! that will be lovely.

Til next time...
Virginia

coolest crutch accessory

Crutch crampons!



Who knew?! Now I just need some chains for my vans.

Time flies

Its Friday, I had surgery on Tuesday, which means this is post op day 3. Seems like it has been forever and at the same time its flown by. This surgery has been much harder than the original hip surgery was. I remember that time, i was off pain killers by day 2 and feeling very mobile and good by day 3. Right now, there is no way i can imagine not being on pain killers - and have been taking them conisistently about every 4 hours. I am guessing this is because they did more work in the joint. I've also been told that revisions are usually harder recoveries than first surgeries.

Dr. Philippon used a graft from my IT band to reconstruct my labrum. It required 7 anchors - which is apparently a large reconstruction - it looked like it was about half of the circumference of my hip socket. Apparently, my joint capsule had scarred to my labrum which is part of what he thinks was causing me pain. He also did bit of cleaning up rough cartilidge and trimmed additional bone off the femur. He also tightened the illiofemoral ligament and did a plication on the joint capsule to try to get rid of the loose feeling I have. He said the cartilidge looked really good and he was pleased - and I didn't need microfracture - so that is good!

I expected to feel an immediate lack of looseness in my hip when I awoke from surgery - but the unfortunate truth is that my joint still feels very loose. It is a terrifying thought that this surgery may not solve that problem, but I'm trying not to worry and to give it time. I know that there is a lot of fluid in my hip and a lot of inflammation, and he did do things to tighten the joint - so hopefully once everything settles down a bit, it will be snug. I hope.

Here's how it went - Tuesday, we showed up at 12:30 pm at the hospital and got checked in for surgery. I got changed into the hospital gear, got the IV going, had blood taken to create PRP than would be re-injected, and got the epidural going to keep me feeling nothing from the hip down (creepy!). I don't even remember being put under by the anesthesiologist, but I woke up around 8:30 pm in recovery - feeling pretty good. No nausea and not much pain because of the epidural. I was already in the cpm maching (constant passive motion machine ) and a version of the game ready ice shorts around my operated hip. My parents came in and said hi and hung out til about 10:00. I had some gingerale and saltines, and texted with people - probably a little incoherently. That night i dozed in and out of sleep - with nurses coming in here and there to adjust this or that. At around 2 am, they took out the epidural and started me on regular oral pain killers - it was a pretty mellow transition. Then, to the bathroom by wheelchair to brush my teeth and rinse my face, and then down to physical therapy where they put me right onto a bike to pedal for 20 minutes. All of the previous day's surgery patients go to PT together early the following morning - so we all got a little class on how to use our own cpm machines, how to operate the game ready, and how to use all of the other random equipment I have to be using for several weeks. Then there was a bit of passive motion with my PT and back to the condo.

At the condo, I showered, got back into the equipment I have to be in (i.e. game ready, CPM, calf pumps) and then headed back to PT for a couple more hours. Craziness. Meanwhile, I should mention that once the epidural faded away completely, my hip began to hurt quite a bit. Worst thing is moving having to use my leg to step forward - it feels horrible. Its getting to be less and less bad though, so that is encouraging.

To give some idea of how labor intensive the equipment is - here is a list of all the equipment I have been instructed to use:

Crutches - with flat foot 20 lb weight bearing for the first 3 weeks and one additional week 50 lb weight bearing. Not a big deal really.

CPM machine for 4-6 hours per day, every day, for the first 3 weeks.

Game ready ice machine - as much as possible for the first 3 weeks. In the photo below, his compression ice pack is for a knee - mine is like a hockey short and fits around the hip. I think I mentioned at my last surgery - the gameready is awesome. Helps deal with pain and swelling - which there is a lot of. I do ususally find myself shivering with teeth chattering by the end, unless I'm in a down jacket, hat, and wool socks and covered with lots of blankets.



Calf pumps - for the first 3 weeks i'm supposed to use these any time i'm sitting around or lying down.

Bolster and foot holders - basically straps feet to this cylinder which prevents external rotation of the operated hip while sleeping. Means that I have to sleep flat on my back. I'm supposed to use this for the first 3 weeks. I couldn't find a picture of this one, but here is a photo of me wearing part of the bolster the morning after surgery. oh joy!

Hip brace - a large black contraption that straps around my waist and left thigh - which is supposed to prevent me from moving my hip in ways it shouldn't go. This I believe is every day all day (except when lying or sitting down) particularly when walking.

The hardest thing about this equipment is that all but the crutches and the brace, i need someone's help getting set up. Its very time consuming, and once you are set up, its an ordeal to get out of the contraptions to go to the bathroom, get something you forgot in the other room, reach the phone, or whatever. Thankfully I have both parents here doing all of this for me - including driving me back and forth to p.t. and various dr appts every day. And, bringing me food and drink while i'm strapped into my various equipment. It is really a 2 person job at this point. Only today did I start being able to do some basic things myself - like getting my operated leg up onto the bed, or off of the bed. Quite a feat.

On top of all that, there are medications to remember - all with their different schedules, the PT i'm supposed to be doing multiple times a day at home, and the 2 hours I'm supposed to be lying on my stomach. gaaah, it is overwhelming! My mom has put together a spreadsheet to keep track of all of that needs to get done. Thankfully I have my parents here to help me - or this whole system would have fallen apart.

Christie, my cousin who lives in Colorado Springs came up for a visit last night - so my entourage got even bigger for a minute! It was so nice to have some distraction and to chat with her in between all of the other stuff. Thanks Christie :)

P.s. my clavicle is holding up nicely, and has really been almost a non-issue. So, that has been a big relief.

Heading back to the clinic for more PT in about an hour and then back to my spot on the couch.


Thanks to everyone who sent me encouraging and thoughtful emails and texts and phone calls over the past few days. It means so much to me!! Made he whole thing a lot less scary too.

I'll update soon.

Bring It

A little late to start the countdown, but tomorrow is the day! I'm in Vail (well, Avon) and am all set for surgery tomorrow at 12:30. I'm having it done by Dr. Philippon. His best guess is that I will need labral reconstruction (using a graft from my IT band) as well as plication of my joint capsule. He gave me a 90% chance of success - given my age, etc. He thought the biggest concern would be cartilidge damage - which could mean continuing pain - but he was happy with what the MRI showed - good joint space and cartlidge looked better than he had expected, so fingers are crossed on that.

Pre-op day was pretty packed without a lot of waiting around, which was nice. 7:45 am I checked in for MRIs for both hips - since I was still deciding which hip to do. Shortly after, I was brought into the PT for a stress test. Lots of jumping around on one leg with strong elastic attached to my waist. I underestimated this test. I was sweating and breathing hard -especially at 8000 feet. One of the highlights of my day was chatting with a guy next to me on the exercise bike during my little warmup in PT. He was there for a 3 month follow up after having his labrum reconstructed using his IT band. First success story I've seen in the flesh and it could not have come at a better time. He was so happy with the results. It was a revision operation for him too - having had surgery back in 2006 to correct impingement. He said it was like night and day. Only good things to say. Seriously, just what I needed to hear. The Physical Therapist I met with also had positive things to say about the reconstruction, the recovery time, and based on what I told him he thought it seems like the left hip should be done first too. Stars aligning.

After PT. I had some lab tests and then I went out with my parents for a quick lunch in Vail fillage. Then it was back to see Dr. Philippon and his fellow. Lots of great info on what they saw in the MRI and confirmation that it seemed like the left hip should be done first. Then it was off to surgery check in and meeting with nurses. Now 'home' on the couch where I'll be spending quite a bit of the next 10 days.

Last night I was scared and undecided. Tonight I'm scared, but I'm decided and feeling good about the decision. I have high hopes for tomorrow.

Just a few of my favorite photos from the last month:

Cutest dogs ever



pumpkins - such artists we are!



Jenn & Peter's georgeous wedding in Healdsburg




The chef with the famous cookies

updates

A lot has happened since my last post, or at least it feels like it. Two days ago I was in Vail - seeing Dr. Philippon. Its a long story, but moral is that I'm leaning towards having my labrum reconstructed with him in January, and then the second hip done in March. I think its just a gut feeling more than finally finding the right answer, since that clearly doesn't exist. I may change my mind in a week, but that's where I'm at now.

I also went to see my clavicle doc yesterday in SF and the xrays show what I thought - the clavicle has indeed started to heal! yay! for now, he doesn't want me pushing it, but to be mellow for another month or so and see where we are at. Ironically, I think (hope) my clavicle will be good to go just about when I'm scheduled for surgery on my first hip - January. So in the meantime, I'm going to just enjoy the holidays and the fall weather we are having, and ride, see family, enjoy the time I have before rehab.

As a side note - I got my first injection of cortisone into my left hip while in Vail. That hip typically just throbs 24/7 and I was hoping for some relief. I'm not sure yet whether its going to work. The first night and following day it definitely hurt more - was tender to even walk on. But, i'm hopeful that it will start to feel better soon...? we'll see.

The best part of going to CO was getting to see Vern and her new (or new to me) house and kitty. Georgeous part of the world. My visit coincided with Denver's first snow fall for the year. The day before I got there was 73 degrees, when I arrived on Tuesday night it was snowing and about 35 degrees. yipes!




The next day was bright blue skies and probably 40. I walked to the gym about a mile and a half away. My fingers and nose froze, but the trees changing color and all the cute houses made it worth it. Yay Colorado. I could live there for sure. Plus I scored some awesome jarred tomatoes and figs from vern. sweet!

some good news

As promised, I am posting some good news! I am 99% sure my collarbone is healing. About a month ago (shortly after the last post) i returned to my doc for an xray of my collarbone to see what progress the clavicle had made since the xray at 3 months (for those of not keeping track, there was no bone growth at 6 weeks and a tiny amount of bone growth at 3 months). I'd been wearing the bone stimulator every day 24 hours a day since about the 3rd week (which is really no fun i have to admit). Well, at the 4 month visit there had been zero progress from the 3 month visit. I didn't post, because i'd promised good news and that clearly was not it! Next step was to either go back in and re-plate the bone (risking breaking in other places, and continued non-healing) or to try this drug - that has been shown to make bones heal - in off label experiments. It also has caused bone cancer in mice, but apparently not much evidence of that in humans. Well, i quit the bone stimulator (good riddance!!!!!!) and i started on that drug - which is an injection to the thigh every morning... and after 4 weeks i do believe i have some bone growth!! actually i could feel it getting stronger and more stable at 2 weeks... but after 4 weeks, i'm pretty convinced this is working! i can actually feel the bone where there was just a hole before - its solid and hard and it doesn't hurt to the touch! I can pick up things (like my purse) that i haven't been able to carry for the last 5 months! i can do two things at one time - because i can use two hands! i can open heavy doors and carry heavy books using that arm. pretty soon i think i'll be able to do planks, carry heavy groceries and.... use crutches! so, yay for me :) I go for a follow up xray in 2 weeks to confirm for sure... but i'd put money on this.

And thank goodness for a creative and proactive doctor (actually doctors). I have a feeling in a couple of years this drug will be prescribed all the time for breaks that don't heal. Its like magic.

Nashville and some realizations

I am writing from the airport in Nashville, Tennessee. I made the trip out here to visit Dr. Byrd in the hope that he could add some clarity on the question of what to do with my hip(s). Over the last month, I’ve been in a “wait and see” and information gathering mode. A couple of weeks ago I went to visit Dr. Sampson to see if he could help me to determine whether Dr. Safran or Dr. Philippon had the right approach to address the ongoing looseness in my left hip. Dr. Sampson, like Dr. Philippon, is of the opinion that simply tightening my joint capsule won’t solve the problem of looseness. He proposes reconstructing the labrum, though he would use a part of my joint capsule itself as the graft, while Dr. Philippon would use a graft from my IT band. Dr. Sampson also questioned whether it would even be possible to simply go in and “sew up” my joint capsule, since there is apparently still a hole there. Dr. Sampson also suggested that I don’t do anything quite yet – but instead give it more time – at least six months from the surgery date. If it is getting better, even slowly, that is a good sign. Since my clavicle is still flexing (major sad face) I don’t really have much choice but to wait, so I am definitely open to this. On Oct. 9, it will have been 6 months since surgery on my hip.

I was a bit indecisive about coming out to see Dr. Byrd. I had sent him my films and op report in the hopes he could give his opinion over the phone, but he wanted to see me before giving any kind of opinion. After seeing Dr. Sampson, I had a 2 against 1 situation – and the 2 didn’t even agree entirely. Did I really want a 4th opinion? And even if he agreed with one of the other three, do I really want to make my decision based on the popular vote? Well, I’m glad I made the decision to come out. Dr. Byrd didn’t actually give me any sort of direction at this point. He was very honest in saying that any one of the three proposals given by the other doctors might well be the correct route, and he was not going to add yet another opinion to the mix, or tell me – yes I should absolutely go with ‘x’. Instead, he was quite honest in saying that none of them really know. I had suspected this, but it was really actually helpful to hear it. It doesn’t make it any happier or easier, but it takes the pressure off of finding the “right” answer. There is no way to know at this point. Its not like there is some piece of information out there that I just haven’t found that would show me the correct answer.

Dr. Byrd was kind, listened, and was thoughtful in his advice. He acknowledged that each of the surgeons I have talked to are intelligent, skilled, and are giving me the best advice they can. And, he said that the reason that I’m getting a different opinion from each of them is that at the moment, no one really knows the answer. He said maybe in 3 or 4 years, they will have a better idea, but for now, they are just feeling around in the dark. While they are the leaders in the field, they only know a little bit more than the rest of the surgeons out there. I appreciated his candor. I had hoped he would tell me that yes, I’ve had a patient (or 10) with exactly this situation, we did X and it solved the problem! But, he said the opposite. He’s never had a patient with this problem and is only aware of one other instance where a surgeon dealt with instability from a hole in joint capsule. He is going to call him to find out what he did and the results. He is also going to “think on it” and get back to me on what he would do.

He, like Sampson, suggested that I wait and see, and not jump into another surgery. Essentially, the message was that – whatever route I choose – tightening the capsule or reconstructing the labrum (with whichever of the methods proposed) – may or may not work. I may be faced afterwards with wondering if I should do something more, or if I should have done something different. That is, the situation may not be better, and may be worse than it is now. He also didn’t think it was wise to move ahead and do surgery on the right hip until we had positive results from the left. Unfortunately, I don’t think he realizes what a negative and depressing impact this is having on my life. Waiting is not a neutral decision. It is painful, physically, emotionally, and mentally every day. I think I need to move ahead with surgery on the right hip, and hope for the best – while covering all of my basis – i.e. make sure the labrum is not removed if at all possible and closing the joint capsule on the way out. At the moment, it is my right hip more than my left that holds me back physically – the one that hurts when I kick in the pool, aches on the bike, and protests just walking sometimes. I may be able to live with the limitations that the looseness imposes, but I can’t live with the limitations of the pain my right hip inflicts.

After visiting with Dr. Byrd he had me meet with his physical therapist, Erica, just to see if there were any additional exercises I might do or try. She had me do a bunch of things and moved my leg around a bunch and gave me some suggestions for additional strengthening work I can do – though it sounds like I’m doing most of what she could think of. She thinks that some of the pain I’m having can be improved by joint mobilizations in the hip – to break up scar tissue, and loosen up the joint capsule. This is something my P.T. consciously did not do much of because she really wanted to allow my joint capsule to tighten, rather than work on stretching it out. I think I will return to P.T. and see if the mobilizations help with the pain and range of motion, while I wait and see if the joint tightens. Some days I do feel like my hip is making progress to being tighter. Other days it feels quite loose. Maybe this is just a matter of waiting – and like everything else is just a situation of 2 steps forward, one step back. I hope that is the case.

At times it makes me so sad that I am still dealing with this. I am so sick of thinking about it, talking about it, complaining, wondering, waiting, being sad and discouraged, spending so much time and month and mental energy on it. I guess I thought that I’d deal with the emotional struggle during the laid up and recovery stage, but I was not really prepared that maybe I’d just have to learn to adjust to a new reality – with real physical limitations. I used to think that with the right surgeon, anything could be fixed. But, I’m coming to realize that is not the case. And, I’m realizing that I might just have to adjust my life to this new reality. I know that many people lead fulfilling and happy lives with much larger disabilities than the one’s I’m facing. I just am having a hard time figuring out how I might do that. I don’t want to have to figure out how to do it. But, I realize, I am already figuring out how to do it. I am doing it, whether I like it or not.

They say there are 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. If I don’t accept it, does that mean I’m stuck in depression? Can I accept what is, without giving up on what might be? Without dragging myself down so much by fighting it? It is all so tiring and so not how I want to be spending months or years of my life.

More positive post coming in the near future, I hope!

4.5 Months Post Op

I almost can't believe its been 4 and a half months since I had surgery on my left hip. I thought I'd be all good by now, alas, I still have 2 surgeries to go. But, putting that aside...

This weekend was almost like a normal weekend for me - woke up both mornings and went and rode my bike for 3+ hours. Yes, I was slow, but it left me with that good exhaustion. It was awesome. Then we ate, went to the farmers market, ate some more, saw a movie (scott pilgrim takes on the world is great), lounged on the couch, played with the kitties, cleaned bikes, caught up with friends, etc. pretty basic weekend, and it was lovely :)

If it wasn't for the looseness in my left hip, I would feel very happy with the results of the surgery. That is good to keep in mind going into the next couple of surgeries. I think if it weren't for my collarbone, i could have started riding outside at about 6 weeks post op. As it turned out, I was off the bike for a bout 4 months - but that was due more to the collarbone than the hip. I think riding has been helpful for the hip - and it feels better than it did 2 weeks ago. It feels stronger, fewer tweaks, etc. Before I was able to ride, I was doing a lot of hiking - which was harder on my hips for sure. Last night i had a burning feeling in my joint/hip area - but I would guess that is just muscles/tendons - and just due to the nearly 100 miles i put in on the road this weekend. It is heavenly to ride without pain in the left hip. I hate that my right hip hurts and aches and grinds, but at least it is a remider of where Iused to be on my left hip - so I have something to compare.

I'm ready to start moving forward - to start building endurance, strength and speed, and to start losing the extra 10 lbs I've put on through all this. But, not quite yet. For now, I need to just be happy that i get to ride my bike. Enjoy the sunshine where I can find it, and just maintain a level of sanity until the next surgery arrives... and then the next one. MUCH better than doing that waiting from the couch!! :)

Kitties, etc.

We got some kitties! Their names are grimace and igor, they are sisters, from the spca. They are awesome. Little purring and snuggling machines, but also quite frisky. They are good at knowing when to use the claws and when not too - which I appreciate. We have had them a week as of today. Levi has not quite adjusted...
We're working on it... Any suggestions are welcome.

More big news... I have finally returned to the gym and to the bike. YAY YAY YAY! I'm not doing anything near what I used to do in the gym, but i'm at least getting some strength in. It is shocking how weak I am. Like doing a single leg bridge is REALLY hard. I'm doing mostly core work, a bit of lower body, and as much with the left arm as I can do. PT stuff for the hips and the right arm as well. I had some major sharp pains in my hips as a result of the gym work (usually a few hours or the morning after), but it goes away.

My first ride was on Saturday and I've ridden twice since then. I have to say I was very pleasantly surprised at how well both my hip and my clavicle held up. It is funny though - my strongest limb is my left arm. I feel a bit gimpy. The most pain during the rides comes from my right hip - the one I haven't had any surgery on yet. Its the loudest for sure. I'm trying to not put weight on the handle bars much - so going up hills and descending is tricky (and slow), but generally fine! I'm getting the rhythm back. My left hip has felt generally excellent on the rides in terms of pain level. Some strange little squeaks here and there, and some mild achiness at times, but generally quiet and strong feeling. I definitely feel the left glute engaged and like the right glute is impossible to access - its like the pain and mis-aligned structure just prevents me from using it. The only remaining real complaint I have on my left hip is the looseness (I think the pains and squeaks are normal for 4 months into recovery - so don't concern me really). If it werent for the looseness I'd be feeling very happy about the surgery. so....

about that looseness. I finally spoke to Dr. Safran about Dr. Philippon's idea that labral reconstruction is needed to fix the looseness issue - as opposed to just closing/tightening the joint capsule. I asked a ton of questions, we had a good discussion. And, he called me back multiple times with additional thoughts. It was reassuring to have his attention and brain power on this. His suggestion, which I think is a good one, is that I get one or two more opinions, since he and Dr. P. are telling me such different things. Dr. Safran is quite confident that the joint capsule is the issue and he can fix it. He doesn't suggest reconstruction. For many reasons, which I won't go into. My primary take-away from what I've learned is that reconstruction is new, its results not proven, and that the cause of my issue is not really pin-down-able. I hope I can get at least some sort of consensus from the group of docs. The two people he recommended I contact for second opinions are Dr. Byrd and Dr. Sampson. So, I'm going to get on that.

Another piece of good news. I went in and had another xray done on the clavicle today and it shows that there has been some bone growth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!! YAY!!!!! its only on the lower part of the bone (the top part is still a nice gap), but it is something - and it means I'm healing, which is so fantastic. He thinks in a month I should be able to use crutches - so, if I decide to have surgery with him, we'll do that in mid-september. Second hip could be done in Nov (assuming all goes well) and I could have this largely behind me by 2011, which is a very appealing idea. But, I still have research to do, so i'm not going to get ahead of myself.

In the meantime, I'm gonna ride my bike :)

Ciao,
v

2011?

Talking to various doctors, scheduling appointments, etc. seems to be a verrrry slow process. After several weeks, I finally spoke to the surgery scheduler for Dr. Philippon. I tentatively scheduled surgery to reconstruct my left hip/labrum for the end of January 2011. Also tentatively scheduled surgery to fix my right hip for March 2011. Yipes that is far away!

I haven't even spoken to Dr. Safran yet to get his opinion on the idea of reconstruction of my labrum or to hear the results of the mri i had almost 2 weeks ago (frustrating!). I'm also still waiting to go talk to Dr. Sampson about what he'd do. I'm hoping waitlists will work in my favor here...

The reading I've been doing suggests that having your labrum removed (rathe than repaired/reattached) leads to generally less successful results and apparently causes micro-instability and more rapid wear and degeration of the hip cartilidge. I think its unavoidable in some cases (mine apparently), and only a few surgeons will actually do a reconstruction of the labrum from other sources (if they cannot repair it using the tissue that is there). There is no way for me to know if my looseness and instability is a result of a loose joint capsule alone or if its the result of having 1/3 of my labrum missing - other than to pick one surgery and go with it. If I'm going to have another surgery on that hip anyways, it seems like a good idea to have it be the most thorough as possible? On the other hand, its tempting to just tighten the joint capsule and see if that is enough... since i could have that surgery asap and the recovery would likely be less. I guess there is no way to know what the result will be with either surgery. I just have to take my chances. Not so into that. Either way, a successful result is not guaranteed, and a perfect result is apparently unlikely. I am not seeing very awesome odds with the studies I'm reading. Basically, its considered a success if the patient is better than before the surgery... the dream of having pain free hips may be just that - a dream.

After getting the 2011 appointments set up, I started to reorganize my next several months in my head ... Wonder if I could get back to riding my bike, once my collarbone is sturdy enough (I am seeing progress finally!!!! and am out of the sling most of the day as of this weekend), and just ride and swim as pain allows for the next several months. I miss riding in the sun, coming home exhausted, being fit. Can I get back to enough of that over the next few months to make the wait bearable? I guess I just have to try and see. My collarbone is still not crutch-worthy yet, so I have some time to make these decisions.

I do still have pain in my left hip and in my right. As of today I have pain the the front of my left hip again - similar to what I had before the surgery. The pain levels alternate and migrate back and forth between hips. Burning, sharp pains, popping, aches, stiffness - seems to be in both hips. sometimes i struggle to get up from a sitting position. At the same time, I know I am doing a lot compared to some convalesing hip patients (much less than others!). I do go on hikes and walks. Sometimes I walk through the pains and stiffness, and sometimes I suffer the consequences. I went for a hike this weekend with a friend who does not generally hike (cyclist) and who is 8 months pregnant. I felt about about as i have for the past month or so, and I could barely keep up. So, I don't think my expectations are too high. But, maybe they are. Its been interesting not being able to ride my bike - since i can't compare the pain level in my left hip pre-and post-surgery. I was able to ride pretty hard and pretty far before surgery - but I had achiness, burning, stiffness, sometimes badly, sometimes not so badly. I don't know if I'm better off now or worse. I think its differnet, but its not good. I am almost 4 months out. How long should I expect to wait to get back to living my life normally?

In the meantime, my primary doc is checking to see if I have some underlying issue thats making my joints loose and making my collarbone take forevs to heal. I am guessing they are just two totally separate events, and that the loose hip is simply due to a surgical issue, but I think its better to turn over that stone - for peace of mind.

Not the most thrilling post, but there you have it :)
ciao,
v

Status Update

While I'm waiting for my collarbone to heal (please please please please heal), I'm taking the opportunity to get second opinions on what is wrong with my left hip - why is it loose? how can it be fixed? I am currently scheduled for a revision surgery with my original OS on August 6, but that will be pushed back regardless. My collarbone is still flexing - and there is no way I could use crutches at this point.

So... after sending off films and operation reports to the Vail doc (Dr. Philippon) several weeks ago, I finally had the chance to talk to his fellow yesterday. They had sent me a short letter saying i was a candidate for surgery, but hadn't described what they would do. Yesterday I learned the specifics of what they would do to fix the looseness in my left hip. In my original surgery Dr. Safran debrided/removed a significant amount of my labrum (the cartilidge band around the hip socket - that helps with stability and suction) - from 11:00 to 3:00. He also didn't close up the joint capsule on his way out of the hip. Dr. P thinks that both of these things are contributing to the instability and looseness in my hip and that only closing the joint capsule (which is what Dr. S is proposing) won't lead to a result that I'm happy with.

Dr. P. proposes to go back in to the hip and repair the labrum where it is missing. If there is insufficient labrum left (which I think is the case) they will take a piece from my IT band to create a fake labrum, and reattach that with sutures to the rim of my hip socket. That will apparently function as a new labrum. I was told that in studies they have found that the new labrum will actually re-grow/re-attach permanently to the hip socket. Success with this procedure is 85% according to a 2-year study Dr. P recently did.

This approach makes sense to me. But, I want to talk to Dr. S. about it and see what he thinks. I also have an appt. with Dr. Sampson in a few weeks (hopefully sooner if there are cancellations) and will ask his views as well. It is a bummer that there is no consistent agreed-upon approach to these surgeries. I wish there were longer-term studies about what works and what doesn't. I'm sure in 5 years they will know so much more. Its frustrating to say the least.

In the meantime, please send healing vibes my way for the collarbone.
Thanks!
Virginia

Bend! (and hip and collarbone...)

Jon and I decided to get away for the 4th of July and make a road trip up to Bend, Oregon. I've been wanting to go for a long time, and had it in my head as a place I'd maybe like to live. I fully expected it not to meet my expectations (sort of like 10 years ago I dreamed of living in Boulder and then I went there and it was less than I imagined). I was so wrong! Bend was all that I had thought. Beautiful and amazing scenery. From town you can see the snow covered peaks of the cascades in the distance, all of the surrounding area is covered by huge pine trees, and the deschutes river runs right through town. In town the river is peaceful and manicured, but just out of town it becomes wild again - roaring between huge walls and over big boulders. The path leading around the river is also manicured around town but it continues with a small dirt train winding over wooden foot bridges and around the river's edge for miles and miles out of town. If I could run, this would be the spot for me. Houses in town are my favorite kind - old 1920's bungalows, with some done up modern, with metal roofs and solar heating, and cool landscaping. The people were friendly, the pace slower, the weather perfect (except for the 9 months out of the year where it is cold and snowy! but even then apparently it is sunny 300 days of the year). Even the town has enough going on that we were more than entertained in the evenings - good food, good wine, a "first friday" with shops and galleries opening their doors and people milling about, and even a small 'critical mass' with a few cruiser bikes running through town. We loved it. Now I just need to get a bunch of friends and my family to move up there... and find a source of income up there... must begin plotting that move...

I know there has been a lot of backlash up there against the growth they've seen in the last 10-15 years, and all of the monied californians cashing out of the bay area and moving up there - inflating the price of homes and the cost of living. so, further investigation is definitately needed. Maybe another trip! :)

In other news, this past Thursday was my follow up appointment with my surgeon - 3 months post-op on left hip, and 6 weeks post-op plate removal and clavicle break. First the clavicle. He took an xray and said the break showed no bone growth. He also said that is normal (?) for collarbones, and bones may not begin to grow in until week 6. that said, he was surprised I couldn't shake his hand - or at least that is how I read his reaction. He didn't say anything about more surgery to install a new plate, and in general, I got the sense he wanted to wait and see it heal on its own. He also said it would take 6 months to fully heal, and for the swiss cheese holes to fully fill in. Strange how this all seemed so minor before I had the surgery. I am actually starting to get mad about this.

My own research on the internet suggests that it can take a long time for breaks to heal without fixation. It could be another month or two before the clavicle feels good. For now, I can move my arm all over the place passively - no problem. I take it out of the sling quite a bit to let it move and not be stiff. carrying anything of weight in that hand puts a strain on the clavicle that I can feel - and it doesn't feel good. The same is true of reaching my arm up in the air unassisted - can't do it without pain in the spot where its broken. Mostly I am still sleeping only on my back, in the sling. so OVER that. I can turn now on my left side - but sometimes it feels like even that pressure pulls on the collarbone and it puts bad pressure on the spot with the break. I have been using a bone growth stimulator for the last 3 weeks. Its basically a large blackberry looking thing, connected to 2 electrodes that I have taped on either side of my collarbone - one on my neck and one on my breast plate. 24 hours a day, seven days a week. I get a lot of funny looks and it is a huge pain in the ass - but if it helps it is worth it.

As for the hip... he was not happy that I'm still having looseness in the joint and said that he recommended we go ahead with surgery to go in and tighten the joint capsule. He said the sugery would be arthroscopic, and I'd be in a hip brace for 2-3 weeks and on crutches for 2-3 weeks. He would either sew up the capsule if it simply hasn't healed, or if it has healed, he would create another hole and sew it up tighter (by overlapping it). He would also clean up any scar tissue or other damage.

Of course, we can't do any hip surgery until I am able to put my full weight on crutches with my right arm - which I definitely cannot do right now. AARRRGH. So frustrating. We picked a date to go ahead with that surgery - one month from now - August 6. He said if the collarbone is still not strong by then we can push the date back. He also moved the leg around to test range of motion and says that I'm tighter than I should be - so I'm loose and tight at the same time. I'm also still having pain - sharp and achy. He said by 3 months he'd expect me to be 60% of normal and he doesn't think I am there. So, even apart from the looseness, this is not going as well as normal. Funny, in every other recovery in life I've felt like i was ahead of the curve, and now i'm behind it. Sucks for sure.

I want the surgery that is going to FIX me ASAP. However, another surgery that is just going to butcher me some more is totally unwelcome. So, in the meantime, I'm trying to get a second opinion on the hip issue. I have pretty much accepted that a second surgery on my left hip is going to happen, but I want to make sure that this surgery actually works. If my joint capsule needs to be sewed up or tightened, fine. But if the real problem is that my labrum is no longer good enough to seal the hip, then I want to address that. I have sent my films to another doc(in Vail) who sees lots of FAI patients. Hoping to hear next week. I am also considering going back to the doc in SF who will do two hips at a time - but is not covered by insurance. I am so done with all of this and it may just be worth the $20,000 out of pocket to have them done together. Only thing is, I'm sure I won't be happy having that $20k bill hanging over my head for the next few years. Of course, the longer this gets dragged out, i'm into 2011, and another out of pocket maximum to meet on my insurance. Plus all the time off of work, various contraptions that I have to pay for out of pocket, etc. Realistically, its not a choice between $20,000 or free. Its probably more like a choice bewteen another $5000 or $20,000. Something to consider for sure.
I am also getting a second opinion on the clavicle. I do not want surgery to replate it, but I also do not want to be waiting in vain if that is inevitable.

Who has time for work and life when you have all of these doctor's appointments and p.t. appointments? its insane. Luckily I was working a flexible schedule to ride my bike - now I just use that time for doctor stuff. Don't be jealous!

Today we are seriously considering a kitty. I'm sort of scared! but i know i'd love to have a kitty running around...

35

Some thoughts that I've been wanting to put on paper...

I’ve always felt like my “true” age was 35. In part, I guess I always felt a bit older than my years – at 20, I felt like I was 35. I also felt like when I actually turned 35, somehow the stars would align – my “true” age would connect with my actual years on this earth and everything would be good. I guess I had fantasies that at age 35 I’d have everything figured out – I’d be at peace. My struggles with finding a career that I love and figuring out what I want to do with my life, how, where and with whom would be over. Or, if not over, I’d at least have a level of serenity and calm – and harmony I guess. No more struggling.

When I decided to have surgery this last winter – part of my grand plan was that I’d have my hip surgeries behind me by the time June 15 rolled around – my 35th birthday. Obviously that didn’t happen. I had my first hip surgery on April 9, 2010. Now it’s looking like I may need a redux on hip #1, and I’m still waiting for hip #1 to be resolved before starting on hip #2. I also did not ring in my 35th year as I had hoped. My last birthday, I had a few broken ribs, had two fresh plates and 16 screws installed in my collarbone, had just returned to work, and got hit with a doozie of a cold – try coughing with broken ribs. Hell. I recall that I spent that night on my couch, eating take out with a friend, feeling terribly sorry for myself and promising that next year would be my year. I had those plates and screws removed on May 29, 2010, one week shy of the one year anniversary of their installation. Again, I thought for sure that I’d be good to go by my birthday. Have at least my collarbone, if not a full hip, checked off my list in time for 35. As you know, if you’ve been reading my blog, that didn’t exactly go as planned either. I again spent my birthday with a broken collarbone.

It’s now almost July, and I’m well on my way into this 35th year I’d had such high hopes for. I have pretty much accepted that surgery and recovery will be part of my life for the foreseeable future. Plans for Christmas and New Year no longer revolve around cycling for me. I’m no longer plotting my comeback for early 2011. So, I guess this means that 35 isn’t going to be the year I had hoped. Or maybe I just have to look a little deeper.

Undeniably, it’s been a huge loss to be robbed of my athleticism. I never imagined that I would be facing month after month without the ability to push myself athletically – to train, be fit, compete. I’ve lost my biggest outlet at my time of greatest need. It is a true test of spirit – and I’m not sure if I’m winning.

But, I’ve also started down a path towards a career that I love. I’m living with a man that I love, who fascinates me, understands me, and who loves me in spite of my ongoing disabilities and – to put it mildly, my lack of cheer at times. I’m learning exponentially about myself. And I’m being forced to grow and look hard at what I want in life – because I can’t just ignore it and make it good with an awesome bike ride.

So maybe the stars have aligned after all. Here's to 35.

June

I’m not gonna lie. Its been a damn hard month. Talk about kicking a girl when she’s down. But, life marches on and we figure out ways to get through things, or somehow we just figure out how to get by, and in time, we realize we’ve reached the other side.

This post is going to be quite boring. I want to record what’s happened in terms of progress the past few weeks so hopefully I can look back and it will be helpful later.

Its been about a month since my last post. Just over 4 weeks since I had the plates and screws removed from my collarbone and it re-broke rolling over in bed. I feel like my collarbone is healing. The sharp jabs of pain are less jarring and it takes more to make it happen. I can move my arm around passively without pain, and even do things at my waist without lifting weights - without pain. Yay! There is some concern that the bone won’t heal given the circumstances. Insurance covered an electronic bone growth stimulator which will help it to heal if was not otherwise going to. As my lovely p.t. says - its gravy, and I need gravy right now. Next doctor's appt is July 7, when I have an xray and am hopefully given the green light to take off the sling.


Around the same time I had my collarbone break, I was having a lot of pain in my left glute and down my leg to the calf - like combo piriformis and sciatic pain. It ached and made it hard to sit or to sleep. My hip was also feeling extremely loose. It feels like it dangles in the socket when I am not firmly clenching it in there. And, it felt like my femur was about to poke through my glute muscle if I put too much weight on that leg - like doing a lunge or walking up a hill. The week after the collarbone break Jon and I went for a walk around the neighborhood. I needed air, solitude, the sound of nature. I couldn’t even attempt some of the steeper streets - it just felt too risky on the hip - not to mention the collarbone. About a week later at p.t. they zapped the crap out of my little piriformis/glute area with one of those electrode things - and it was like night and day. I think one of my muscles was spazming/frozen and was irritating my sciatic nerve. The electrodes were just the right thing to get that firing or not firing again - and the pain in my piriformis and down the leg lessened dramatically immediately. That was an awesome success. My femur no longer feels like it will pop through my glute - but the general looseness remains.


Over the last few weeks - since the piriformis pain lessened, I’ve been able to start pushing my glutes, quads, hammies, adductors more. My hope was that in this 8 weeks I’m waiting for my collarbone to heal, I could work my muscles around my hip to see if that would help enough to keep the hip firmly in the socket. All while being very careful not to push it too hard so that whatever healing may need to take place does. I’ve been able to do quite a bit at p.t. and on my own and it does seem to be making a difference. One day last week I actually was feeling almost normal - like my hip wasn’t dropping out of the socket that day. I was very hopefull that day - feeling a ray of light that I may actually be in the clear with my left hip. At this point, the idea of having only one more hip surgery sounds like winning the lottery. But, that was short lived - and it was back to feeling loose the next day. Grrr. Yesterday after pushing it probably a little too hard I had the sensation of it subluxing almost - in the same bent over stretch that did it almost 2 months ago. I do wonder if the subluxing feeling is a tendon popping or sliding over the femur, rather than it coming out of the socket. Who knows. Ugh.

Meanwhile, with my collarbone hurting less, I’m able to do more physically. I’ve had a few good hikes up behind the house on San Bruno mountain.



Its been really cool to explore the trails up there. They are STEEP! They are also pretty much empty, except for me and the hundreds of little white tailed bunny rabbits, birds, bees and the lone snake I saw yesterday creeping slowy across the trail in front of me. San Bruno divides Brisbane from the coast, and the fog comes roaring over the ridge like a wave - the other day it looked like the black smoke from Lost - but white. Crazy.

It is so peaceful up there. There have been times where I see the open space, the ocean in the distance, feel the wind, and I'm so happy. Give me some good tunes on the ipod and i'm in freakin heaven. I miss my bike. The first time I went out - probably 2 weeks ago, I got about 30 minutes before I had to turn back because my hip started feeling tweaky and weird. The next time I went a little further, and further the next time still. I did a 3 hour hike last weekend and again yesterday - and while I felt ok after that last weekend, yesterday I was in major pain afterwards. It hurt to do pretty much anything other than sit. Yeah, I pushed it too hard. So, I sat, and iced. That helped. Sleeping was hard - major pain the ass - literally. Regardless, it was nice to get out in the sunshine. I needed it, even if I was achy afterwards.

Today I took it easy and spun on the trainer for an hour. My hip felt fine. Then I went down to the pool. The Brisbane pool is awesome. Definately on the list of the top ten things about Brisbane - its big, clean, outdoors, tucked under some trees, and usually pretty mellow. It was my first time there since the subluxing incident about 10 days out from surgery. I’ve been scared, and I’ve had hip flexor pain so I didn’t think kicking would feel good. Of course, for the past month, I’ve been one-armed, so not much to do in the pool. But, today I went down and did some kicking - holding onto the wall, and then some one-armed with the paddle board - and some pool running - just to test it out and see how it feels. The kicking felt REALLY good. Sometimes I feel like my left hip still hurts like it did pre-surgery - the groin pain, and the deep glute pain still plague me. But in the pool the contrast between my hips was clear. My right hip (the hip still waiting for surgery) hurt to kick - the groin just had a sharp pain from the first kick. The left felt good and strong - though after a while my hip flexor started to hurt a little so i stopped. It felt pretty good to ‘run’ in the water too - just a little pain in the glute and hip flexor- which I seem to get a lot. Sometimes I wonder if I have a torn glute or something. The little sharp pain is in such a specific spot.



Anyway, it was nice to be in the pool and the sun. It was also nice to bond with the other gimps in the pool. One woman in my lane had back surgery recently and was just getting back to exercise. she was stoked. there were two other men - one in his 80s and his son who was attempting to avoid surgery. both were out getting exercise, moving the body around, and soaking in the sun. It was awesome. As I left, there was a line out the door of families with little kids - open swim was starting and its a beautiful day. I want to do that more often. Of course, it helped that it was like 75 degrees and sunny - yay!

I could get all deep and introspective here - this month has brought about a lot of thinking, and not all of it good, but I’ll save that for another day.

I do feel like my collarbone is healing - and I’m looking forward to being able to swim, do some upper body work, some more core, and even ride my bike (YAY!!!) while I figure out what to do next with the hips. Once that happens I’ll at least have moved one step closer to the end of this.