Cutest dogs ever
pumpkins - such artists we are!
Jenn & Peter's georgeous wedding in Healdsburg
The chef with the famous cookies
Friday, November 12, 2010
updates
A lot has happened since my last post, or at least it feels like it. Two days ago I was in Vail - seeing Dr. Philippon. Its a long story, but moral is that I'm leaning towards having my labrum reconstructed with him in January, and then the second hip done in March. I think its just a gut feeling more than finally finding the right answer, since that clearly doesn't exist. I may change my mind in a week, but that's where I'm at now.
I also went to see my clavicle doc yesterday in SF and the xrays show what I thought - the clavicle has indeed started to heal! yay! for now, he doesn't want me pushing it, but to be mellow for another month or so and see where we are at. Ironically, I think (hope) my clavicle will be good to go just about when I'm scheduled for surgery on my first hip - January. So in the meantime, I'm going to just enjoy the holidays and the fall weather we are having, and ride, see family, enjoy the time I have before rehab.
As a side note - I got my first injection of cortisone into my left hip while in Vail. That hip typically just throbs 24/7 and I was hoping for some relief. I'm not sure yet whether its going to work. The first night and following day it definitely hurt more - was tender to even walk on. But, i'm hopeful that it will start to feel better soon...? we'll see.
The best part of going to CO was getting to see Vern and her new (or new to me) house and kitty. Georgeous part of the world. My visit coincided with Denver's first snow fall for the year. The day before I got there was 73 degrees, when I arrived on Tuesday night it was snowing and about 35 degrees. yipes!
The next day was bright blue skies and probably 40. I walked to the gym about a mile and a half away. My fingers and nose froze, but the trees changing color and all the cute houses made it worth it. Yay Colorado. I could live there for sure. Plus I scored some awesome jarred tomatoes and figs from vern. sweet!
I also went to see my clavicle doc yesterday in SF and the xrays show what I thought - the clavicle has indeed started to heal! yay! for now, he doesn't want me pushing it, but to be mellow for another month or so and see where we are at. Ironically, I think (hope) my clavicle will be good to go just about when I'm scheduled for surgery on my first hip - January. So in the meantime, I'm going to just enjoy the holidays and the fall weather we are having, and ride, see family, enjoy the time I have before rehab.
As a side note - I got my first injection of cortisone into my left hip while in Vail. That hip typically just throbs 24/7 and I was hoping for some relief. I'm not sure yet whether its going to work. The first night and following day it definitely hurt more - was tender to even walk on. But, i'm hopeful that it will start to feel better soon...? we'll see.
The best part of going to CO was getting to see Vern and her new (or new to me) house and kitty. Georgeous part of the world. My visit coincided with Denver's first snow fall for the year. The day before I got there was 73 degrees, when I arrived on Tuesday night it was snowing and about 35 degrees. yipes!
The next day was bright blue skies and probably 40. I walked to the gym about a mile and a half away. My fingers and nose froze, but the trees changing color and all the cute houses made it worth it. Yay Colorado. I could live there for sure. Plus I scored some awesome jarred tomatoes and figs from vern. sweet!
Thursday, October 28, 2010
some good news
As promised, I am posting some good news! I am 99% sure my collarbone is healing. About a month ago (shortly after the last post) i returned to my doc for an xray of my collarbone to see what progress the clavicle had made since the xray at 3 months (for those of not keeping track, there was no bone growth at 6 weeks and a tiny amount of bone growth at 3 months). I'd been wearing the bone stimulator every day 24 hours a day since about the 3rd week (which is really no fun i have to admit). Well, at the 4 month visit there had been zero progress from the 3 month visit. I didn't post, because i'd promised good news and that clearly was not it! Next step was to either go back in and re-plate the bone (risking breaking in other places, and continued non-healing) or to try this drug - that has been shown to make bones heal - in off label experiments. It also has caused bone cancer in mice, but apparently not much evidence of that in humans. Well, i quit the bone stimulator (good riddance!!!!!!) and i started on that drug - which is an injection to the thigh every morning... and after 4 weeks i do believe i have some bone growth!! actually i could feel it getting stronger and more stable at 2 weeks... but after 4 weeks, i'm pretty convinced this is working! i can actually feel the bone where there was just a hole before - its solid and hard and it doesn't hurt to the touch! I can pick up things (like my purse) that i haven't been able to carry for the last 5 months! i can do two things at one time - because i can use two hands! i can open heavy doors and carry heavy books using that arm. pretty soon i think i'll be able to do planks, carry heavy groceries and.... use crutches! so, yay for me :) I go for a follow up xray in 2 weeks to confirm for sure... but i'd put money on this.
And thank goodness for a creative and proactive doctor (actually doctors). I have a feeling in a couple of years this drug will be prescribed all the time for breaks that don't heal. Its like magic.
And thank goodness for a creative and proactive doctor (actually doctors). I have a feeling in a couple of years this drug will be prescribed all the time for breaks that don't heal. Its like magic.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Nashville and some realizations
I am writing from the airport in Nashville, Tennessee. I made the trip out here to visit Dr. Byrd in the hope that he could add some clarity on the question of what to do with my hip(s). Over the last month, I’ve been in a “wait and see” and information gathering mode. A couple of weeks ago I went to visit Dr. Sampson to see if he could help me to determine whether Dr. Safran or Dr. Philippon had the right approach to address the ongoing looseness in my left hip. Dr. Sampson, like Dr. Philippon, is of the opinion that simply tightening my joint capsule won’t solve the problem of looseness. He proposes reconstructing the labrum, though he would use a part of my joint capsule itself as the graft, while Dr. Philippon would use a graft from my IT band. Dr. Sampson also questioned whether it would even be possible to simply go in and “sew up” my joint capsule, since there is apparently still a hole there. Dr. Sampson also suggested that I don’t do anything quite yet – but instead give it more time – at least six months from the surgery date. If it is getting better, even slowly, that is a good sign. Since my clavicle is still flexing (major sad face) I don’t really have much choice but to wait, so I am definitely open to this. On Oct. 9, it will have been 6 months since surgery on my hip.
I was a bit indecisive about coming out to see Dr. Byrd. I had sent him my films and op report in the hopes he could give his opinion over the phone, but he wanted to see me before giving any kind of opinion. After seeing Dr. Sampson, I had a 2 against 1 situation – and the 2 didn’t even agree entirely. Did I really want a 4th opinion? And even if he agreed with one of the other three, do I really want to make my decision based on the popular vote? Well, I’m glad I made the decision to come out. Dr. Byrd didn’t actually give me any sort of direction at this point. He was very honest in saying that any one of the three proposals given by the other doctors might well be the correct route, and he was not going to add yet another opinion to the mix, or tell me – yes I should absolutely go with ‘x’. Instead, he was quite honest in saying that none of them really know. I had suspected this, but it was really actually helpful to hear it. It doesn’t make it any happier or easier, but it takes the pressure off of finding the “right” answer. There is no way to know at this point. Its not like there is some piece of information out there that I just haven’t found that would show me the correct answer.
Dr. Byrd was kind, listened, and was thoughtful in his advice. He acknowledged that each of the surgeons I have talked to are intelligent, skilled, and are giving me the best advice they can. And, he said that the reason that I’m getting a different opinion from each of them is that at the moment, no one really knows the answer. He said maybe in 3 or 4 years, they will have a better idea, but for now, they are just feeling around in the dark. While they are the leaders in the field, they only know a little bit more than the rest of the surgeons out there. I appreciated his candor. I had hoped he would tell me that yes, I’ve had a patient (or 10) with exactly this situation, we did X and it solved the problem! But, he said the opposite. He’s never had a patient with this problem and is only aware of one other instance where a surgeon dealt with instability from a hole in joint capsule. He is going to call him to find out what he did and the results. He is also going to “think on it” and get back to me on what he would do.
He, like Sampson, suggested that I wait and see, and not jump into another surgery. Essentially, the message was that – whatever route I choose – tightening the capsule or reconstructing the labrum (with whichever of the methods proposed) – may or may not work. I may be faced afterwards with wondering if I should do something more, or if I should have done something different. That is, the situation may not be better, and may be worse than it is now. He also didn’t think it was wise to move ahead and do surgery on the right hip until we had positive results from the left. Unfortunately, I don’t think he realizes what a negative and depressing impact this is having on my life. Waiting is not a neutral decision. It is painful, physically, emotionally, and mentally every day. I think I need to move ahead with surgery on the right hip, and hope for the best – while covering all of my basis – i.e. make sure the labrum is not removed if at all possible and closing the joint capsule on the way out. At the moment, it is my right hip more than my left that holds me back physically – the one that hurts when I kick in the pool, aches on the bike, and protests just walking sometimes. I may be able to live with the limitations that the looseness imposes, but I can’t live with the limitations of the pain my right hip inflicts.
After visiting with Dr. Byrd he had me meet with his physical therapist, Erica, just to see if there were any additional exercises I might do or try. She had me do a bunch of things and moved my leg around a bunch and gave me some suggestions for additional strengthening work I can do – though it sounds like I’m doing most of what she could think of. She thinks that some of the pain I’m having can be improved by joint mobilizations in the hip – to break up scar tissue, and loosen up the joint capsule. This is something my P.T. consciously did not do much of because she really wanted to allow my joint capsule to tighten, rather than work on stretching it out. I think I will return to P.T. and see if the mobilizations help with the pain and range of motion, while I wait and see if the joint tightens. Some days I do feel like my hip is making progress to being tighter. Other days it feels quite loose. Maybe this is just a matter of waiting – and like everything else is just a situation of 2 steps forward, one step back. I hope that is the case.
At times it makes me so sad that I am still dealing with this. I am so sick of thinking about it, talking about it, complaining, wondering, waiting, being sad and discouraged, spending so much time and month and mental energy on it. I guess I thought that I’d deal with the emotional struggle during the laid up and recovery stage, but I was not really prepared that maybe I’d just have to learn to adjust to a new reality – with real physical limitations. I used to think that with the right surgeon, anything could be fixed. But, I’m coming to realize that is not the case. And, I’m realizing that I might just have to adjust my life to this new reality. I know that many people lead fulfilling and happy lives with much larger disabilities than the one’s I’m facing. I just am having a hard time figuring out how I might do that. I don’t want to have to figure out how to do it. But, I realize, I am already figuring out how to do it. I am doing it, whether I like it or not.
They say there are 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. If I don’t accept it, does that mean I’m stuck in depression? Can I accept what is, without giving up on what might be? Without dragging myself down so much by fighting it? It is all so tiring and so not how I want to be spending months or years of my life.
More positive post coming in the near future, I hope!
I was a bit indecisive about coming out to see Dr. Byrd. I had sent him my films and op report in the hopes he could give his opinion over the phone, but he wanted to see me before giving any kind of opinion. After seeing Dr. Sampson, I had a 2 against 1 situation – and the 2 didn’t even agree entirely. Did I really want a 4th opinion? And even if he agreed with one of the other three, do I really want to make my decision based on the popular vote? Well, I’m glad I made the decision to come out. Dr. Byrd didn’t actually give me any sort of direction at this point. He was very honest in saying that any one of the three proposals given by the other doctors might well be the correct route, and he was not going to add yet another opinion to the mix, or tell me – yes I should absolutely go with ‘x’. Instead, he was quite honest in saying that none of them really know. I had suspected this, but it was really actually helpful to hear it. It doesn’t make it any happier or easier, but it takes the pressure off of finding the “right” answer. There is no way to know at this point. Its not like there is some piece of information out there that I just haven’t found that would show me the correct answer.
Dr. Byrd was kind, listened, and was thoughtful in his advice. He acknowledged that each of the surgeons I have talked to are intelligent, skilled, and are giving me the best advice they can. And, he said that the reason that I’m getting a different opinion from each of them is that at the moment, no one really knows the answer. He said maybe in 3 or 4 years, they will have a better idea, but for now, they are just feeling around in the dark. While they are the leaders in the field, they only know a little bit more than the rest of the surgeons out there. I appreciated his candor. I had hoped he would tell me that yes, I’ve had a patient (or 10) with exactly this situation, we did X and it solved the problem! But, he said the opposite. He’s never had a patient with this problem and is only aware of one other instance where a surgeon dealt with instability from a hole in joint capsule. He is going to call him to find out what he did and the results. He is also going to “think on it” and get back to me on what he would do.
He, like Sampson, suggested that I wait and see, and not jump into another surgery. Essentially, the message was that – whatever route I choose – tightening the capsule or reconstructing the labrum (with whichever of the methods proposed) – may or may not work. I may be faced afterwards with wondering if I should do something more, or if I should have done something different. That is, the situation may not be better, and may be worse than it is now. He also didn’t think it was wise to move ahead and do surgery on the right hip until we had positive results from the left. Unfortunately, I don’t think he realizes what a negative and depressing impact this is having on my life. Waiting is not a neutral decision. It is painful, physically, emotionally, and mentally every day. I think I need to move ahead with surgery on the right hip, and hope for the best – while covering all of my basis – i.e. make sure the labrum is not removed if at all possible and closing the joint capsule on the way out. At the moment, it is my right hip more than my left that holds me back physically – the one that hurts when I kick in the pool, aches on the bike, and protests just walking sometimes. I may be able to live with the limitations that the looseness imposes, but I can’t live with the limitations of the pain my right hip inflicts.
After visiting with Dr. Byrd he had me meet with his physical therapist, Erica, just to see if there were any additional exercises I might do or try. She had me do a bunch of things and moved my leg around a bunch and gave me some suggestions for additional strengthening work I can do – though it sounds like I’m doing most of what she could think of. She thinks that some of the pain I’m having can be improved by joint mobilizations in the hip – to break up scar tissue, and loosen up the joint capsule. This is something my P.T. consciously did not do much of because she really wanted to allow my joint capsule to tighten, rather than work on stretching it out. I think I will return to P.T. and see if the mobilizations help with the pain and range of motion, while I wait and see if the joint tightens. Some days I do feel like my hip is making progress to being tighter. Other days it feels quite loose. Maybe this is just a matter of waiting – and like everything else is just a situation of 2 steps forward, one step back. I hope that is the case.
At times it makes me so sad that I am still dealing with this. I am so sick of thinking about it, talking about it, complaining, wondering, waiting, being sad and discouraged, spending so much time and month and mental energy on it. I guess I thought that I’d deal with the emotional struggle during the laid up and recovery stage, but I was not really prepared that maybe I’d just have to learn to adjust to a new reality – with real physical limitations. I used to think that with the right surgeon, anything could be fixed. But, I’m coming to realize that is not the case. And, I’m realizing that I might just have to adjust my life to this new reality. I know that many people lead fulfilling and happy lives with much larger disabilities than the one’s I’m facing. I just am having a hard time figuring out how I might do that. I don’t want to have to figure out how to do it. But, I realize, I am already figuring out how to do it. I am doing it, whether I like it or not.
They say there are 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. If I don’t accept it, does that mean I’m stuck in depression? Can I accept what is, without giving up on what might be? Without dragging myself down so much by fighting it? It is all so tiring and so not how I want to be spending months or years of my life.
More positive post coming in the near future, I hope!
Monday, August 16, 2010
4.5 Months Post Op
I almost can't believe its been 4 and a half months since I had surgery on my left hip. I thought I'd be all good by now, alas, I still have 2 surgeries to go. But, putting that aside...
This weekend was almost like a normal weekend for me - woke up both mornings and went and rode my bike for 3+ hours. Yes, I was slow, but it left me with that good exhaustion. It was awesome. Then we ate, went to the farmers market, ate some more, saw a movie (scott pilgrim takes on the world is great), lounged on the couch, played with the kitties, cleaned bikes, caught up with friends, etc. pretty basic weekend, and it was lovely :)
If it wasn't for the looseness in my left hip, I would feel very happy with the results of the surgery. That is good to keep in mind going into the next couple of surgeries. I think if it weren't for my collarbone, i could have started riding outside at about 6 weeks post op. As it turned out, I was off the bike for a bout 4 months - but that was due more to the collarbone than the hip. I think riding has been helpful for the hip - and it feels better than it did 2 weeks ago. It feels stronger, fewer tweaks, etc. Before I was able to ride, I was doing a lot of hiking - which was harder on my hips for sure. Last night i had a burning feeling in my joint/hip area - but I would guess that is just muscles/tendons - and just due to the nearly 100 miles i put in on the road this weekend. It is heavenly to ride without pain in the left hip. I hate that my right hip hurts and aches and grinds, but at least it is a remider of where Iused to be on my left hip - so I have something to compare.
I'm ready to start moving forward - to start building endurance, strength and speed, and to start losing the extra 10 lbs I've put on through all this. But, not quite yet. For now, I need to just be happy that i get to ride my bike. Enjoy the sunshine where I can find it, and just maintain a level of sanity until the next surgery arrives... and then the next one. MUCH better than doing that waiting from the couch!! :)
This weekend was almost like a normal weekend for me - woke up both mornings and went and rode my bike for 3+ hours. Yes, I was slow, but it left me with that good exhaustion. It was awesome. Then we ate, went to the farmers market, ate some more, saw a movie (scott pilgrim takes on the world is great), lounged on the couch, played with the kitties, cleaned bikes, caught up with friends, etc. pretty basic weekend, and it was lovely :)
If it wasn't for the looseness in my left hip, I would feel very happy with the results of the surgery. That is good to keep in mind going into the next couple of surgeries. I think if it weren't for my collarbone, i could have started riding outside at about 6 weeks post op. As it turned out, I was off the bike for a bout 4 months - but that was due more to the collarbone than the hip. I think riding has been helpful for the hip - and it feels better than it did 2 weeks ago. It feels stronger, fewer tweaks, etc. Before I was able to ride, I was doing a lot of hiking - which was harder on my hips for sure. Last night i had a burning feeling in my joint/hip area - but I would guess that is just muscles/tendons - and just due to the nearly 100 miles i put in on the road this weekend. It is heavenly to ride without pain in the left hip. I hate that my right hip hurts and aches and grinds, but at least it is a remider of where Iused to be on my left hip - so I have something to compare.
I'm ready to start moving forward - to start building endurance, strength and speed, and to start losing the extra 10 lbs I've put on through all this. But, not quite yet. For now, I need to just be happy that i get to ride my bike. Enjoy the sunshine where I can find it, and just maintain a level of sanity until the next surgery arrives... and then the next one. MUCH better than doing that waiting from the couch!! :)
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Kitties, etc.
We got some kitties! Their names are grimace and igor, they are sisters, from the spca. They are awesome. Little purring and snuggling machines, but also quite frisky. They are good at knowing when to use the claws and when not too - which I appreciate. We have had them a week as of today. Levi has not quite adjusted...
We're working on it... Any suggestions are welcome.
More big news... I have finally returned to the gym and to the bike. YAY YAY YAY! I'm not doing anything near what I used to do in the gym, but i'm at least getting some strength in. It is shocking how weak I am. Like doing a single leg bridge is REALLY hard. I'm doing mostly core work, a bit of lower body, and as much with the left arm as I can do. PT stuff for the hips and the right arm as well. I had some major sharp pains in my hips as a result of the gym work (usually a few hours or the morning after), but it goes away.
My first ride was on Saturday and I've ridden twice since then. I have to say I was very pleasantly surprised at how well both my hip and my clavicle held up. It is funny though - my strongest limb is my left arm. I feel a bit gimpy. The most pain during the rides comes from my right hip - the one I haven't had any surgery on yet. Its the loudest for sure. I'm trying to not put weight on the handle bars much - so going up hills and descending is tricky (and slow), but generally fine! I'm getting the rhythm back. My left hip has felt generally excellent on the rides in terms of pain level. Some strange little squeaks here and there, and some mild achiness at times, but generally quiet and strong feeling. I definitely feel the left glute engaged and like the right glute is impossible to access - its like the pain and mis-aligned structure just prevents me from using it. The only remaining real complaint I have on my left hip is the looseness (I think the pains and squeaks are normal for 4 months into recovery - so don't concern me really). If it werent for the looseness I'd be feeling very happy about the surgery. so....
about that looseness. I finally spoke to Dr. Safran about Dr. Philippon's idea that labral reconstruction is needed to fix the looseness issue - as opposed to just closing/tightening the joint capsule. I asked a ton of questions, we had a good discussion. And, he called me back multiple times with additional thoughts. It was reassuring to have his attention and brain power on this. His suggestion, which I think is a good one, is that I get one or two more opinions, since he and Dr. P. are telling me such different things. Dr. Safran is quite confident that the joint capsule is the issue and he can fix it. He doesn't suggest reconstruction. For many reasons, which I won't go into. My primary take-away from what I've learned is that reconstruction is new, its results not proven, and that the cause of my issue is not really pin-down-able. I hope I can get at least some sort of consensus from the group of docs. The two people he recommended I contact for second opinions are Dr. Byrd and Dr. Sampson. So, I'm going to get on that.
Another piece of good news. I went in and had another xray done on the clavicle today and it shows that there has been some bone growth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!! YAY!!!!! its only on the lower part of the bone (the top part is still a nice gap), but it is something - and it means I'm healing, which is so fantastic. He thinks in a month I should be able to use crutches - so, if I decide to have surgery with him, we'll do that in mid-september. Second hip could be done in Nov (assuming all goes well) and I could have this largely behind me by 2011, which is a very appealing idea. But, I still have research to do, so i'm not going to get ahead of myself.
In the meantime, I'm gonna ride my bike :)
Ciao,
v
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
2011?
Talking to various doctors, scheduling appointments, etc. seems to be a verrrry slow process. After several weeks, I finally spoke to the surgery scheduler for Dr. Philippon. I tentatively scheduled surgery to reconstruct my left hip/labrum for the end of January 2011. Also tentatively scheduled surgery to fix my right hip for March 2011. Yipes that is far away!
I haven't even spoken to Dr. Safran yet to get his opinion on the idea of reconstruction of my labrum or to hear the results of the mri i had almost 2 weeks ago (frustrating!). I'm also still waiting to go talk to Dr. Sampson about what he'd do. I'm hoping waitlists will work in my favor here...
The reading I've been doing suggests that having your labrum removed (rathe than repaired/reattached) leads to generally less successful results and apparently causes micro-instability and more rapid wear and degeration of the hip cartilidge. I think its unavoidable in some cases (mine apparently), and only a few surgeons will actually do a reconstruction of the labrum from other sources (if they cannot repair it using the tissue that is there). There is no way for me to know if my looseness and instability is a result of a loose joint capsule alone or if its the result of having 1/3 of my labrum missing - other than to pick one surgery and go with it. If I'm going to have another surgery on that hip anyways, it seems like a good idea to have it be the most thorough as possible? On the other hand, its tempting to just tighten the joint capsule and see if that is enough... since i could have that surgery asap and the recovery would likely be less. I guess there is no way to know what the result will be with either surgery. I just have to take my chances. Not so into that. Either way, a successful result is not guaranteed, and a perfect result is apparently unlikely. I am not seeing very awesome odds with the studies I'm reading. Basically, its considered a success if the patient is better than before the surgery... the dream of having pain free hips may be just that - a dream.
After getting the 2011 appointments set up, I started to reorganize my next several months in my head ... Wonder if I could get back to riding my bike, once my collarbone is sturdy enough (I am seeing progress finally!!!! and am out of the sling most of the day as of this weekend), and just ride and swim as pain allows for the next several months. I miss riding in the sun, coming home exhausted, being fit. Can I get back to enough of that over the next few months to make the wait bearable? I guess I just have to try and see. My collarbone is still not crutch-worthy yet, so I have some time to make these decisions.
I do still have pain in my left hip and in my right. As of today I have pain the the front of my left hip again - similar to what I had before the surgery. The pain levels alternate and migrate back and forth between hips. Burning, sharp pains, popping, aches, stiffness - seems to be in both hips. sometimes i struggle to get up from a sitting position. At the same time, I know I am doing a lot compared to some convalesing hip patients (much less than others!). I do go on hikes and walks. Sometimes I walk through the pains and stiffness, and sometimes I suffer the consequences. I went for a hike this weekend with a friend who does not generally hike (cyclist) and who is 8 months pregnant. I felt about about as i have for the past month or so, and I could barely keep up. So, I don't think my expectations are too high. But, maybe they are. Its been interesting not being able to ride my bike - since i can't compare the pain level in my left hip pre-and post-surgery. I was able to ride pretty hard and pretty far before surgery - but I had achiness, burning, stiffness, sometimes badly, sometimes not so badly. I don't know if I'm better off now or worse. I think its differnet, but its not good. I am almost 4 months out. How long should I expect to wait to get back to living my life normally?
In the meantime, my primary doc is checking to see if I have some underlying issue thats making my joints loose and making my collarbone take forevs to heal. I am guessing they are just two totally separate events, and that the loose hip is simply due to a surgical issue, but I think its better to turn over that stone - for peace of mind.
Not the most thrilling post, but there you have it :)
ciao,
v
I haven't even spoken to Dr. Safran yet to get his opinion on the idea of reconstruction of my labrum or to hear the results of the mri i had almost 2 weeks ago (frustrating!). I'm also still waiting to go talk to Dr. Sampson about what he'd do. I'm hoping waitlists will work in my favor here...
The reading I've been doing suggests that having your labrum removed (rathe than repaired/reattached) leads to generally less successful results and apparently causes micro-instability and more rapid wear and degeration of the hip cartilidge. I think its unavoidable in some cases (mine apparently), and only a few surgeons will actually do a reconstruction of the labrum from other sources (if they cannot repair it using the tissue that is there). There is no way for me to know if my looseness and instability is a result of a loose joint capsule alone or if its the result of having 1/3 of my labrum missing - other than to pick one surgery and go with it. If I'm going to have another surgery on that hip anyways, it seems like a good idea to have it be the most thorough as possible? On the other hand, its tempting to just tighten the joint capsule and see if that is enough... since i could have that surgery asap and the recovery would likely be less. I guess there is no way to know what the result will be with either surgery. I just have to take my chances. Not so into that. Either way, a successful result is not guaranteed, and a perfect result is apparently unlikely. I am not seeing very awesome odds with the studies I'm reading. Basically, its considered a success if the patient is better than before the surgery... the dream of having pain free hips may be just that - a dream.
After getting the 2011 appointments set up, I started to reorganize my next several months in my head ... Wonder if I could get back to riding my bike, once my collarbone is sturdy enough (I am seeing progress finally!!!! and am out of the sling most of the day as of this weekend), and just ride and swim as pain allows for the next several months. I miss riding in the sun, coming home exhausted, being fit. Can I get back to enough of that over the next few months to make the wait bearable? I guess I just have to try and see. My collarbone is still not crutch-worthy yet, so I have some time to make these decisions.
I do still have pain in my left hip and in my right. As of today I have pain the the front of my left hip again - similar to what I had before the surgery. The pain levels alternate and migrate back and forth between hips. Burning, sharp pains, popping, aches, stiffness - seems to be in both hips. sometimes i struggle to get up from a sitting position. At the same time, I know I am doing a lot compared to some convalesing hip patients (much less than others!). I do go on hikes and walks. Sometimes I walk through the pains and stiffness, and sometimes I suffer the consequences. I went for a hike this weekend with a friend who does not generally hike (cyclist) and who is 8 months pregnant. I felt about about as i have for the past month or so, and I could barely keep up. So, I don't think my expectations are too high. But, maybe they are. Its been interesting not being able to ride my bike - since i can't compare the pain level in my left hip pre-and post-surgery. I was able to ride pretty hard and pretty far before surgery - but I had achiness, burning, stiffness, sometimes badly, sometimes not so badly. I don't know if I'm better off now or worse. I think its differnet, but its not good. I am almost 4 months out. How long should I expect to wait to get back to living my life normally?
In the meantime, my primary doc is checking to see if I have some underlying issue thats making my joints loose and making my collarbone take forevs to heal. I am guessing they are just two totally separate events, and that the loose hip is simply due to a surgical issue, but I think its better to turn over that stone - for peace of mind.
Not the most thrilling post, but there you have it :)
ciao,
v
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Status Update
While I'm waiting for my collarbone to heal (please please please please heal), I'm taking the opportunity to get second opinions on what is wrong with my left hip - why is it loose? how can it be fixed? I am currently scheduled for a revision surgery with my original OS on August 6, but that will be pushed back regardless. My collarbone is still flexing - and there is no way I could use crutches at this point.
So... after sending off films and operation reports to the Vail doc (Dr. Philippon) several weeks ago, I finally had the chance to talk to his fellow yesterday. They had sent me a short letter saying i was a candidate for surgery, but hadn't described what they would do. Yesterday I learned the specifics of what they would do to fix the looseness in my left hip. In my original surgery Dr. Safran debrided/removed a significant amount of my labrum (the cartilidge band around the hip socket - that helps with stability and suction) - from 11:00 to 3:00. He also didn't close up the joint capsule on his way out of the hip. Dr. P thinks that both of these things are contributing to the instability and looseness in my hip and that only closing the joint capsule (which is what Dr. S is proposing) won't lead to a result that I'm happy with.
Dr. P. proposes to go back in to the hip and repair the labrum where it is missing. If there is insufficient labrum left (which I think is the case) they will take a piece from my IT band to create a fake labrum, and reattach that with sutures to the rim of my hip socket. That will apparently function as a new labrum. I was told that in studies they have found that the new labrum will actually re-grow/re-attach permanently to the hip socket. Success with this procedure is 85% according to a 2-year study Dr. P recently did.
This approach makes sense to me. But, I want to talk to Dr. S. about it and see what he thinks. I also have an appt. with Dr. Sampson in a few weeks (hopefully sooner if there are cancellations) and will ask his views as well. It is a bummer that there is no consistent agreed-upon approach to these surgeries. I wish there were longer-term studies about what works and what doesn't. I'm sure in 5 years they will know so much more. Its frustrating to say the least.
In the meantime, please send healing vibes my way for the collarbone.
Thanks!
Virginia
So... after sending off films and operation reports to the Vail doc (Dr. Philippon) several weeks ago, I finally had the chance to talk to his fellow yesterday. They had sent me a short letter saying i was a candidate for surgery, but hadn't described what they would do. Yesterday I learned the specifics of what they would do to fix the looseness in my left hip. In my original surgery Dr. Safran debrided/removed a significant amount of my labrum (the cartilidge band around the hip socket - that helps with stability and suction) - from 11:00 to 3:00. He also didn't close up the joint capsule on his way out of the hip. Dr. P thinks that both of these things are contributing to the instability and looseness in my hip and that only closing the joint capsule (which is what Dr. S is proposing) won't lead to a result that I'm happy with.
Dr. P. proposes to go back in to the hip and repair the labrum where it is missing. If there is insufficient labrum left (which I think is the case) they will take a piece from my IT band to create a fake labrum, and reattach that with sutures to the rim of my hip socket. That will apparently function as a new labrum. I was told that in studies they have found that the new labrum will actually re-grow/re-attach permanently to the hip socket. Success with this procedure is 85% according to a 2-year study Dr. P recently did.
This approach makes sense to me. But, I want to talk to Dr. S. about it and see what he thinks. I also have an appt. with Dr. Sampson in a few weeks (hopefully sooner if there are cancellations) and will ask his views as well. It is a bummer that there is no consistent agreed-upon approach to these surgeries. I wish there were longer-term studies about what works and what doesn't. I'm sure in 5 years they will know so much more. Its frustrating to say the least.
In the meantime, please send healing vibes my way for the collarbone.
Thanks!
Virginia
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Bend! (and hip and collarbone...)
Jon and I decided to get away for the 4th of July and make a road trip up to Bend, Oregon. I've been wanting to go for a long time, and had it in my head as a place I'd maybe like to live. I fully expected it not to meet my expectations (sort of like 10 years ago I dreamed of living in Boulder and then I went there and it was less than I imagined). I was so wrong! Bend was all that I had thought. Beautiful and amazing scenery. From town you can see the snow covered peaks of the cascades in the distance, all of the surrounding area is covered by huge pine trees, and the deschutes river runs right through town. In town the river is peaceful and manicured, but just out of town it becomes wild again - roaring between huge walls and over big boulders. The path leading around the river is also manicured around town but it continues with a small dirt train winding over wooden foot bridges and around the river's edge for miles and miles out of town. If I could run, this would be the spot for me. Houses in town are my favorite kind - old 1920's bungalows, with some done up modern, with metal roofs and solar heating, and cool landscaping. The people were friendly, the pace slower, the weather perfect (except for the 9 months out of the year where it is cold and snowy! but even then apparently it is sunny 300 days of the year). Even the town has enough going on that we were more than entertained in the evenings - good food, good wine, a "first friday" with shops and galleries opening their doors and people milling about, and even a small 'critical mass' with a few cruiser bikes running through town. We loved it. Now I just need to get a bunch of friends and my family to move up there... and find a source of income up there... must begin plotting that move...
I know there has been a lot of backlash up there against the growth they've seen in the last 10-15 years, and all of the monied californians cashing out of the bay area and moving up there - inflating the price of homes and the cost of living. so, further investigation is definitately needed. Maybe another trip! :)
In other news, this past Thursday was my follow up appointment with my surgeon - 3 months post-op on left hip, and 6 weeks post-op plate removal and clavicle break. First the clavicle. He took an xray and said the break showed no bone growth. He also said that is normal (?) for collarbones, and bones may not begin to grow in until week 6. that said, he was surprised I couldn't shake his hand - or at least that is how I read his reaction. He didn't say anything about more surgery to install a new plate, and in general, I got the sense he wanted to wait and see it heal on its own. He also said it would take 6 months to fully heal, and for the swiss cheese holes to fully fill in. Strange how this all seemed so minor before I had the surgery. I am actually starting to get mad about this.
My own research on the internet suggests that it can take a long time for breaks to heal without fixation. It could be another month or two before the clavicle feels good. For now, I can move my arm all over the place passively - no problem. I take it out of the sling quite a bit to let it move and not be stiff. carrying anything of weight in that hand puts a strain on the clavicle that I can feel - and it doesn't feel good. The same is true of reaching my arm up in the air unassisted - can't do it without pain in the spot where its broken. Mostly I am still sleeping only on my back, in the sling. so OVER that. I can turn now on my left side - but sometimes it feels like even that pressure pulls on the collarbone and it puts bad pressure on the spot with the break. I have been using a bone growth stimulator for the last 3 weeks. Its basically a large blackberry looking thing, connected to 2 electrodes that I have taped on either side of my collarbone - one on my neck and one on my breast plate. 24 hours a day, seven days a week. I get a lot of funny looks and it is a huge pain in the ass - but if it helps it is worth it.
As for the hip... he was not happy that I'm still having looseness in the joint and said that he recommended we go ahead with surgery to go in and tighten the joint capsule. He said the sugery would be arthroscopic, and I'd be in a hip brace for 2-3 weeks and on crutches for 2-3 weeks. He would either sew up the capsule if it simply hasn't healed, or if it has healed, he would create another hole and sew it up tighter (by overlapping it). He would also clean up any scar tissue or other damage.
Of course, we can't do any hip surgery until I am able to put my full weight on crutches with my right arm - which I definitely cannot do right now. AARRRGH. So frustrating. We picked a date to go ahead with that surgery - one month from now - August 6. He said if the collarbone is still not strong by then we can push the date back. He also moved the leg around to test range of motion and says that I'm tighter than I should be - so I'm loose and tight at the same time. I'm also still having pain - sharp and achy. He said by 3 months he'd expect me to be 60% of normal and he doesn't think I am there. So, even apart from the looseness, this is not going as well as normal. Funny, in every other recovery in life I've felt like i was ahead of the curve, and now i'm behind it. Sucks for sure.
I want the surgery that is going to FIX me ASAP. However, another surgery that is just going to butcher me some more is totally unwelcome. So, in the meantime, I'm trying to get a second opinion on the hip issue. I have pretty much accepted that a second surgery on my left hip is going to happen, but I want to make sure that this surgery actually works. If my joint capsule needs to be sewed up or tightened, fine. But if the real problem is that my labrum is no longer good enough to seal the hip, then I want to address that. I have sent my films to another doc(in Vail) who sees lots of FAI patients. Hoping to hear next week. I am also considering going back to the doc in SF who will do two hips at a time - but is not covered by insurance. I am so done with all of this and it may just be worth the $20,000 out of pocket to have them done together. Only thing is, I'm sure I won't be happy having that $20k bill hanging over my head for the next few years. Of course, the longer this gets dragged out, i'm into 2011, and another out of pocket maximum to meet on my insurance. Plus all the time off of work, various contraptions that I have to pay for out of pocket, etc. Realistically, its not a choice between $20,000 or free. Its probably more like a choice bewteen another $5000 or $20,000. Something to consider for sure.
I am also getting a second opinion on the clavicle. I do not want surgery to replate it, but I also do not want to be waiting in vain if that is inevitable.
Who has time for work and life when you have all of these doctor's appointments and p.t. appointments? its insane. Luckily I was working a flexible schedule to ride my bike - now I just use that time for doctor stuff. Don't be jealous!
Today we are seriously considering a kitty. I'm sort of scared! but i know i'd love to have a kitty running around...
Sunday, June 27, 2010
35
Some thoughts that I've been wanting to put on paper...
I’ve always felt like my “true” age was 35. In part, I guess I always felt a bit older than my years – at 20, I felt like I was 35. I also felt like when I actually turned 35, somehow the stars would align – my “true” age would connect with my actual years on this earth and everything would be good. I guess I had fantasies that at age 35 I’d have everything figured out – I’d be at peace. My struggles with finding a career that I love and figuring out what I want to do with my life, how, where and with whom would be over. Or, if not over, I’d at least have a level of serenity and calm – and harmony I guess. No more struggling.
When I decided to have surgery this last winter – part of my grand plan was that I’d have my hip surgeries behind me by the time June 15 rolled around – my 35th birthday. Obviously that didn’t happen. I had my first hip surgery on April 9, 2010. Now it’s looking like I may need a redux on hip #1, and I’m still waiting for hip #1 to be resolved before starting on hip #2. I also did not ring in my 35th year as I had hoped. My last birthday, I had a few broken ribs, had two fresh plates and 16 screws installed in my collarbone, had just returned to work, and got hit with a doozie of a cold – try coughing with broken ribs. Hell. I recall that I spent that night on my couch, eating take out with a friend, feeling terribly sorry for myself and promising that next year would be my year. I had those plates and screws removed on May 29, 2010, one week shy of the one year anniversary of their installation. Again, I thought for sure that I’d be good to go by my birthday. Have at least my collarbone, if not a full hip, checked off my list in time for 35. As you know, if you’ve been reading my blog, that didn’t exactly go as planned either. I again spent my birthday with a broken collarbone.
It’s now almost July, and I’m well on my way into this 35th year I’d had such high hopes for. I have pretty much accepted that surgery and recovery will be part of my life for the foreseeable future. Plans for Christmas and New Year no longer revolve around cycling for me. I’m no longer plotting my comeback for early 2011. So, I guess this means that 35 isn’t going to be the year I had hoped. Or maybe I just have to look a little deeper.
Undeniably, it’s been a huge loss to be robbed of my athleticism. I never imagined that I would be facing month after month without the ability to push myself athletically – to train, be fit, compete. I’ve lost my biggest outlet at my time of greatest need. It is a true test of spirit – and I’m not sure if I’m winning.
But, I’ve also started down a path towards a career that I love. I’m living with a man that I love, who fascinates me, understands me, and who loves me in spite of my ongoing disabilities and – to put it mildly, my lack of cheer at times. I’m learning exponentially about myself. And I’m being forced to grow and look hard at what I want in life – because I can’t just ignore it and make it good with an awesome bike ride.
So maybe the stars have aligned after all. Here's to 35.
I’ve always felt like my “true” age was 35. In part, I guess I always felt a bit older than my years – at 20, I felt like I was 35. I also felt like when I actually turned 35, somehow the stars would align – my “true” age would connect with my actual years on this earth and everything would be good. I guess I had fantasies that at age 35 I’d have everything figured out – I’d be at peace. My struggles with finding a career that I love and figuring out what I want to do with my life, how, where and with whom would be over. Or, if not over, I’d at least have a level of serenity and calm – and harmony I guess. No more struggling.
When I decided to have surgery this last winter – part of my grand plan was that I’d have my hip surgeries behind me by the time June 15 rolled around – my 35th birthday. Obviously that didn’t happen. I had my first hip surgery on April 9, 2010. Now it’s looking like I may need a redux on hip #1, and I’m still waiting for hip #1 to be resolved before starting on hip #2. I also did not ring in my 35th year as I had hoped. My last birthday, I had a few broken ribs, had two fresh plates and 16 screws installed in my collarbone, had just returned to work, and got hit with a doozie of a cold – try coughing with broken ribs. Hell. I recall that I spent that night on my couch, eating take out with a friend, feeling terribly sorry for myself and promising that next year would be my year. I had those plates and screws removed on May 29, 2010, one week shy of the one year anniversary of their installation. Again, I thought for sure that I’d be good to go by my birthday. Have at least my collarbone, if not a full hip, checked off my list in time for 35. As you know, if you’ve been reading my blog, that didn’t exactly go as planned either. I again spent my birthday with a broken collarbone.
It’s now almost July, and I’m well on my way into this 35th year I’d had such high hopes for. I have pretty much accepted that surgery and recovery will be part of my life for the foreseeable future. Plans for Christmas and New Year no longer revolve around cycling for me. I’m no longer plotting my comeback for early 2011. So, I guess this means that 35 isn’t going to be the year I had hoped. Or maybe I just have to look a little deeper.
Undeniably, it’s been a huge loss to be robbed of my athleticism. I never imagined that I would be facing month after month without the ability to push myself athletically – to train, be fit, compete. I’ve lost my biggest outlet at my time of greatest need. It is a true test of spirit – and I’m not sure if I’m winning.
But, I’ve also started down a path towards a career that I love. I’m living with a man that I love, who fascinates me, understands me, and who loves me in spite of my ongoing disabilities and – to put it mildly, my lack of cheer at times. I’m learning exponentially about myself. And I’m being forced to grow and look hard at what I want in life – because I can’t just ignore it and make it good with an awesome bike ride.
So maybe the stars have aligned after all. Here's to 35.
June
I’m not gonna lie. Its been a damn hard month. Talk about kicking a girl when she’s down. But, life marches on and we figure out ways to get through things, or somehow we just figure out how to get by, and in time, we realize we’ve reached the other side.
This post is going to be quite boring. I want to record what’s happened in terms of progress the past few weeks so hopefully I can look back and it will be helpful later.
Its been about a month since my last post. Just over 4 weeks since I had the plates and screws removed from my collarbone and it re-broke rolling over in bed. I feel like my collarbone is healing. The sharp jabs of pain are less jarring and it takes more to make it happen. I can move my arm around passively without pain, and even do things at my waist without lifting weights - without pain. Yay! There is some concern that the bone won’t heal given the circumstances. Insurance covered an electronic bone growth stimulator which will help it to heal if was not otherwise going to. As my lovely p.t. says - its gravy, and I need gravy right now. Next doctor's appt is July 7, when I have an xray and am hopefully given the green light to take off the sling.
Around the same time I had my collarbone break, I was having a lot of pain in my left glute and down my leg to the calf - like combo piriformis and sciatic pain. It ached and made it hard to sit or to sleep. My hip was also feeling extremely loose. It feels like it dangles in the socket when I am not firmly clenching it in there. And, it felt like my femur was about to poke through my glute muscle if I put too much weight on that leg - like doing a lunge or walking up a hill. The week after the collarbone break Jon and I went for a walk around the neighborhood. I needed air, solitude, the sound of nature. I couldn’t even attempt some of the steeper streets - it just felt too risky on the hip - not to mention the collarbone. About a week later at p.t. they zapped the crap out of my little piriformis/glute area with one of those electrode things - and it was like night and day. I think one of my muscles was spazming/frozen and was irritating my sciatic nerve. The electrodes were just the right thing to get that firing or not firing again - and the pain in my piriformis and down the leg lessened dramatically immediately. That was an awesome success. My femur no longer feels like it will pop through my glute - but the general looseness remains.
Over the last few weeks - since the piriformis pain lessened, I’ve been able to start pushing my glutes, quads, hammies, adductors more. My hope was that in this 8 weeks I’m waiting for my collarbone to heal, I could work my muscles around my hip to see if that would help enough to keep the hip firmly in the socket. All while being very careful not to push it too hard so that whatever healing may need to take place does. I’ve been able to do quite a bit at p.t. and on my own and it does seem to be making a difference. One day last week I actually was feeling almost normal - like my hip wasn’t dropping out of the socket that day. I was very hopefull that day - feeling a ray of light that I may actually be in the clear with my left hip. At this point, the idea of having only one more hip surgery sounds like winning the lottery. But, that was short lived - and it was back to feeling loose the next day. Grrr. Yesterday after pushing it probably a little too hard I had the sensation of it subluxing almost - in the same bent over stretch that did it almost 2 months ago. I do wonder if the subluxing feeling is a tendon popping or sliding over the femur, rather than it coming out of the socket. Who knows. Ugh.
Meanwhile, with my collarbone hurting less, I’m able to do more physically. I’ve had a few good hikes up behind the house on San Bruno mountain.
Its been really cool to explore the trails up there. They are STEEP! They are also pretty much empty, except for me and the hundreds of little white tailed bunny rabbits, birds, bees and the lone snake I saw yesterday creeping slowy across the trail in front of me. San Bruno divides Brisbane from the coast, and the fog comes roaring over the ridge like a wave - the other day it looked like the black smoke from Lost - but white. Crazy.
This post is going to be quite boring. I want to record what’s happened in terms of progress the past few weeks so hopefully I can look back and it will be helpful later.
Its been about a month since my last post. Just over 4 weeks since I had the plates and screws removed from my collarbone and it re-broke rolling over in bed. I feel like my collarbone is healing. The sharp jabs of pain are less jarring and it takes more to make it happen. I can move my arm around passively without pain, and even do things at my waist without lifting weights - without pain. Yay! There is some concern that the bone won’t heal given the circumstances. Insurance covered an electronic bone growth stimulator which will help it to heal if was not otherwise going to. As my lovely p.t. says - its gravy, and I need gravy right now. Next doctor's appt is July 7, when I have an xray and am hopefully given the green light to take off the sling.
Around the same time I had my collarbone break, I was having a lot of pain in my left glute and down my leg to the calf - like combo piriformis and sciatic pain. It ached and made it hard to sit or to sleep. My hip was also feeling extremely loose. It feels like it dangles in the socket when I am not firmly clenching it in there. And, it felt like my femur was about to poke through my glute muscle if I put too much weight on that leg - like doing a lunge or walking up a hill. The week after the collarbone break Jon and I went for a walk around the neighborhood. I needed air, solitude, the sound of nature. I couldn’t even attempt some of the steeper streets - it just felt too risky on the hip - not to mention the collarbone. About a week later at p.t. they zapped the crap out of my little piriformis/glute area with one of those electrode things - and it was like night and day. I think one of my muscles was spazming/frozen and was irritating my sciatic nerve. The electrodes were just the right thing to get that firing or not firing again - and the pain in my piriformis and down the leg lessened dramatically immediately. That was an awesome success. My femur no longer feels like it will pop through my glute - but the general looseness remains.
Over the last few weeks - since the piriformis pain lessened, I’ve been able to start pushing my glutes, quads, hammies, adductors more. My hope was that in this 8 weeks I’m waiting for my collarbone to heal, I could work my muscles around my hip to see if that would help enough to keep the hip firmly in the socket. All while being very careful not to push it too hard so that whatever healing may need to take place does. I’ve been able to do quite a bit at p.t. and on my own and it does seem to be making a difference. One day last week I actually was feeling almost normal - like my hip wasn’t dropping out of the socket that day. I was very hopefull that day - feeling a ray of light that I may actually be in the clear with my left hip. At this point, the idea of having only one more hip surgery sounds like winning the lottery. But, that was short lived - and it was back to feeling loose the next day. Grrr. Yesterday after pushing it probably a little too hard I had the sensation of it subluxing almost - in the same bent over stretch that did it almost 2 months ago. I do wonder if the subluxing feeling is a tendon popping or sliding over the femur, rather than it coming out of the socket. Who knows. Ugh.
Meanwhile, with my collarbone hurting less, I’m able to do more physically. I’ve had a few good hikes up behind the house on San Bruno mountain.
Its been really cool to explore the trails up there. They are STEEP! They are also pretty much empty, except for me and the hundreds of little white tailed bunny rabbits, birds, bees and the lone snake I saw yesterday creeping slowy across the trail in front of me. San Bruno divides Brisbane from the coast, and the fog comes roaring over the ridge like a wave - the other day it looked like the black smoke from Lost - but white. Crazy.
It is so peaceful up there. There have been times where I see the open space, the ocean in the distance, feel the wind, and I'm so happy. Give me some good tunes on the ipod and i'm in freakin heaven. I miss my bike. The first time I went out - probably 2 weeks ago, I got about 30 minutes before I had to turn back because my hip started feeling tweaky and weird. The next time I went a little further, and further the next time still. I did a 3 hour hike last weekend and again yesterday - and while I felt ok after that last weekend, yesterday I was in major pain afterwards. It hurt to do pretty much anything other than sit. Yeah, I pushed it too hard. So, I sat, and iced. That helped. Sleeping was hard - major pain the ass - literally. Regardless, it was nice to get out in the sunshine. I needed it, even if I was achy afterwards.
Today I took it easy and spun on the trainer for an hour. My hip felt fine. Then I went down to the pool. The Brisbane pool is awesome. Definately on the list of the top ten things about Brisbane - its big, clean, outdoors, tucked under some trees, and usually pretty mellow. It was my first time there since the subluxing incident about 10 days out from surgery. I’ve been scared, and I’ve had hip flexor pain so I didn’t think kicking would feel good. Of course, for the past month, I’ve been one-armed, so not much to do in the pool. But, today I went down and did some kicking - holding onto the wall, and then some one-armed with the paddle board - and some pool running - just to test it out and see how it feels. The kicking felt REALLY good. Sometimes I feel like my left hip still hurts like it did pre-surgery - the groin pain, and the deep glute pain still plague me. But in the pool the contrast between my hips was clear. My right hip (the hip still waiting for surgery) hurt to kick - the groin just had a sharp pain from the first kick. The left felt good and strong - though after a while my hip flexor started to hurt a little so i stopped. It felt pretty good to ‘run’ in the water too - just a little pain in the glute and hip flexor- which I seem to get a lot. Sometimes I wonder if I have a torn glute or something. The little sharp pain is in such a specific spot.
Anyway, it was nice to be in the pool and the sun. It was also nice to bond with the other gimps in the pool. One woman in my lane had back surgery recently and was just getting back to exercise. she was stoked. there were two other men - one in his 80s and his son who was attempting to avoid surgery. both were out getting exercise, moving the body around, and soaking in the sun. It was awesome. As I left, there was a line out the door of families with little kids - open swim was starting and its a beautiful day. I want to do that more often. Of course, it helped that it was like 75 degrees and sunny - yay!
I could get all deep and introspective here - this month has brought about a lot of thinking, and not all of it good, but I’ll save that for another day.
I do feel like my collarbone is healing - and I’m looking forward to being able to swim, do some upper body work, some more core, and even ride my bike (YAY!!!) while I figure out what to do next with the hips. Once that happens I’ll at least have moved one step closer to the end of this.
Today I took it easy and spun on the trainer for an hour. My hip felt fine. Then I went down to the pool. The Brisbane pool is awesome. Definately on the list of the top ten things about Brisbane - its big, clean, outdoors, tucked under some trees, and usually pretty mellow. It was my first time there since the subluxing incident about 10 days out from surgery. I’ve been scared, and I’ve had hip flexor pain so I didn’t think kicking would feel good. Of course, for the past month, I’ve been one-armed, so not much to do in the pool. But, today I went down and did some kicking - holding onto the wall, and then some one-armed with the paddle board - and some pool running - just to test it out and see how it feels. The kicking felt REALLY good. Sometimes I feel like my left hip still hurts like it did pre-surgery - the groin pain, and the deep glute pain still plague me. But in the pool the contrast between my hips was clear. My right hip (the hip still waiting for surgery) hurt to kick - the groin just had a sharp pain from the first kick. The left felt good and strong - though after a while my hip flexor started to hurt a little so i stopped. It felt pretty good to ‘run’ in the water too - just a little pain in the glute and hip flexor- which I seem to get a lot. Sometimes I wonder if I have a torn glute or something. The little sharp pain is in such a specific spot.
Anyway, it was nice to be in the pool and the sun. It was also nice to bond with the other gimps in the pool. One woman in my lane had back surgery recently and was just getting back to exercise. she was stoked. there were two other men - one in his 80s and his son who was attempting to avoid surgery. both were out getting exercise, moving the body around, and soaking in the sun. It was awesome. As I left, there was a line out the door of families with little kids - open swim was starting and its a beautiful day. I want to do that more often. Of course, it helped that it was like 75 degrees and sunny - yay!
I could get all deep and introspective here - this month has brought about a lot of thinking, and not all of it good, but I’ll save that for another day.
I do feel like my collarbone is healing - and I’m looking forward to being able to swim, do some upper body work, some more core, and even ride my bike (YAY!!!) while I figure out what to do next with the hips. Once that happens I’ll at least have moved one step closer to the end of this.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
update
Xrays showed that my clavicle did in fact re-break. I don't feel so silly any more, but am pretty bummed. The bone looks kind of like swiss cheese - there is more air than bone. It rebroke along one of the many empty screw holes. I wish i had known it would be so fragile. I don't think i would have had the surgery. the one positive thing i can see out of this is that when and if it does heal - it won't have a plate in it, so hopefully it won't hurt and i will be able to backpack. it just prolongs this year of recovery i seem to be entrenched in. i'm beyond over this. physical therapy for my hip is going to be interesting now that i can't lie on my side. guess we'll have to get creative.
one other positive thing - when i am finally able to hike, to bike, to run, swim, ski, jump, dance, fall, somersault, and do my heavy squats and deadlifts, i am going to cherish every moment. I'm going to savor the wind in my face, the strength of my body. I will appreciate every second. I think I did before, but it will be multiplied by 1000 when all of this is behind me.
one other positive thing - when i am finally able to hike, to bike, to run, swim, ski, jump, dance, fall, somersault, and do my heavy squats and deadlifts, i am going to cherish every moment. I'm going to savor the wind in my face, the strength of my body. I will appreciate every second. I think I did before, but it will be multiplied by 1000 when all of this is behind me.
Calamity Jane
I'm posting this partly against my better judgment. But here goes. It may be irrelevant 3 hours from now. i hope.
So, on Friday I had surgery to remove 2 plates and 16 screws from my clavicle - they had been there for a year, since a crash last May. They bothered me - bra straps hurt, carrying a purse hurt, backpacking was out the the question. I probably could have dealt wtih the first two, but I love backpacking and am not ready to give it up. Anyway, i was told this surgery was a "nothing" and it seemed to be true when i woke up on Friday from anesthesia. I was out the door, not nauseaus, not horribly in pain, and feeling decent 20 minutes after waking. I dozed off the drowsyness all afternoon friday and saturday woke up feeling pretty good. We went to the farmers market, to REI, and had a mellow evening. i was very excited at how minor the surgery seemed and so happy to have it behing me. fast forward to 4 am sunday.
I woke up at about 4am with major pain in my clavicle. walking to the bathroom and back was horrible. very reminicent of the initial break. jon went and got me some vicodin and i made it through the night. that morning the pain continued. i couldn't lift my arm, was having sharp jabbing pains in my clavicle, and had to wear a sling to keep the pain in check.
I called my surgeon's on call service and ended up talking to the fellow, who is sooo nice. he offered to meet me, on a sunday of memorial day (very appreciated) at the surgical center. He said he couldn't get an xray, but at least he would be able to take a look and see if there was anything obvious.
We met, he took off the dressing, and his conclusion was that nothing was broken, that i had a hematoma over the area that was really hurting, and maybe it was that the numbing medication wore off during the night.
So, off i went home, feeling kind of silly. Unfortunately, I still feel like its broken. i can't understand how it would go from feeling so good to feeling so bad in an instant. i can barely sleep, walking hurts, it hurts to get up and down off the couch, typing this is pretty painful.
anyway, i have my first official post op appt in a couple of hours and i am hoping they will take some xrays to confirm one way or the other. I am expecting the worse, but hoping that i'm wrong.
I'll post an update later.
So, on Friday I had surgery to remove 2 plates and 16 screws from my clavicle - they had been there for a year, since a crash last May. They bothered me - bra straps hurt, carrying a purse hurt, backpacking was out the the question. I probably could have dealt wtih the first two, but I love backpacking and am not ready to give it up. Anyway, i was told this surgery was a "nothing" and it seemed to be true when i woke up on Friday from anesthesia. I was out the door, not nauseaus, not horribly in pain, and feeling decent 20 minutes after waking. I dozed off the drowsyness all afternoon friday and saturday woke up feeling pretty good. We went to the farmers market, to REI, and had a mellow evening. i was very excited at how minor the surgery seemed and so happy to have it behing me. fast forward to 4 am sunday.
I woke up at about 4am with major pain in my clavicle. walking to the bathroom and back was horrible. very reminicent of the initial break. jon went and got me some vicodin and i made it through the night. that morning the pain continued. i couldn't lift my arm, was having sharp jabbing pains in my clavicle, and had to wear a sling to keep the pain in check.
I called my surgeon's on call service and ended up talking to the fellow, who is sooo nice. he offered to meet me, on a sunday of memorial day (very appreciated) at the surgical center. He said he couldn't get an xray, but at least he would be able to take a look and see if there was anything obvious.
We met, he took off the dressing, and his conclusion was that nothing was broken, that i had a hematoma over the area that was really hurting, and maybe it was that the numbing medication wore off during the night.
So, off i went home, feeling kind of silly. Unfortunately, I still feel like its broken. i can't understand how it would go from feeling so good to feeling so bad in an instant. i can barely sleep, walking hurts, it hurts to get up and down off the couch, typing this is pretty painful.
anyway, i have my first official post op appt in a couple of hours and i am hoping they will take some xrays to confirm one way or the other. I am expecting the worse, but hoping that i'm wrong.
I'll post an update later.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Figuring it all out
Its been a while since I last posted. I think for a while I was too freaked to put my fears down on paper, and then as things started to look up, I didn't want to jinx anything.
I've been to my surgeon 2 times since my last post - to check in on progress and to check on the looseness and instability in my hip. I had hoped he would tell me that while it was scary and startling for me, it was normal and part of recovery. Unfortunately he didn't say that. He did take an xray to make sure that he didn't remove to much bone - and that looked fine. But, apparently the looseness I feel is not normal. He thinks it may be that my joint capsule has not yet healed. He says that he thinks it will heal eventually and the looseness and instability will go away. He says that there is only one case in the literature about people having dislocations after srugery to correct FAI. But, I want to know how many people have loosness and the feeling of subluxation after the srugery and that goes away? Seems like there are no answers there. I'm trying to have faith that all will be ok, since the alternative is not good. Could be I'll need another surgery to tighten the joint capsule. I don't even want to think about that. ugh. so much for my tidy little surgery timeline.
I had been planning to have my left hip fixed, wait 6 weeks and have the right hip fixed, and then get out the plates in my clavicle. knock it all out quick and easy and compress the amount of time this takes over my life. But, I am reminded that I'm not actually in control here. This friday will be exactly 6 weeks from surgery on my left hip. For now, surgery on the right hip has been delayed until the left hip is resolved. Hopefully that is soon. The instability/looseness in my hip does seem to be getting better - a little. Although, i'm unable to do fairly basic things that I gather I should be able to do - based on the p.t. protocol. I'm really trying to have a positive outlook. I even got a book on changing from a pessimistic to an optimistic viewpoint :) I think of myself as a realist actually, but if I can trick myself into being more optimistic i am all for it!
While I wait for my left hip to resolve, I've decided to go ahead and have the plates removed from my clavicle. I'm not 100% happy about that decision either though and I have nervousness about whether that will work out as I hope. I have 16 screws and 2 plates in what is not a very large bone. I've been told "just don't fall". I hope that it heals up nice and strong and doesn't re-break. its been a year, so all should be fine. I do wish that my original surgeon was able to do the removal - but she moved to chicago - bummer! so, Dr. S will be going in sight unseen. That will happen next Friday - giving me the long weekend to recover. I'm sort of tempted to just leave it in - at least I know what I'm dealing with there. But, the screws poke up against my skin and can be pretty painful... and carrying a backpack is something I'll hopefully get to do again somewhere in the sierras :)
Life has not been all grim. This last weekend was my nephew's 2nd b-day and it was fun to celebrate with them a little on Friday night, and to catch up with my brother and get wonderful advice on what to do with my future. On saturday and sunday I got to help out the third pillar women's team at the Scotts Valley GP and the Sacramento GP. It was fun to be a part of the team - since I've been absent all season. Its a great combination of solid, strong racers, but without the b.s. and seriousness of a pro team. mellow, fun, strong. Can't wait to get back and race with these women.
Sunday night, Jon and I went to the Meals on Wheels Gala in Fort Mason which was pretty amazing. I was a little bummed because with the couch-weight i've put on I couldn't fit into the dress I planned to wear and still inhale, but i figured somethinge else out and we had a great time. It is set up so a bunch of amazing restaurants come out and cook up a small plate - and you can try all of them. The desserts were off the hook as well. It was a long, fun, thoroughly exhausting weekend. :)
I'm hoping (and please don't tell my doc) to actually ride my bike outside for a tiny bit this weekend. I'm thinking flat along canada road would be a good place to try it out. I'll stop if it feels unstable or painful, but i'm dying for a little wind on my face and endorphins in my blood. I was hoping to go for a walk today - but after p.t. yesterday i'm not sure its a good idea - kind of tender and weird feeling. probably an easy day on the trainer instead.
Today is a beautiful day in the city. Its been foggy and rainy lately, so a day of sun is a welcome change. Jon and I are talking about maybe getting a kitten this weekend. Hopefully, if we do, he and levi will get along well.
thats it for now,
v
I've been to my surgeon 2 times since my last post - to check in on progress and to check on the looseness and instability in my hip. I had hoped he would tell me that while it was scary and startling for me, it was normal and part of recovery. Unfortunately he didn't say that. He did take an xray to make sure that he didn't remove to much bone - and that looked fine. But, apparently the looseness I feel is not normal. He thinks it may be that my joint capsule has not yet healed. He says that he thinks it will heal eventually and the looseness and instability will go away. He says that there is only one case in the literature about people having dislocations after srugery to correct FAI. But, I want to know how many people have loosness and the feeling of subluxation after the srugery and that goes away? Seems like there are no answers there. I'm trying to have faith that all will be ok, since the alternative is not good. Could be I'll need another surgery to tighten the joint capsule. I don't even want to think about that. ugh. so much for my tidy little surgery timeline.
I had been planning to have my left hip fixed, wait 6 weeks and have the right hip fixed, and then get out the plates in my clavicle. knock it all out quick and easy and compress the amount of time this takes over my life. But, I am reminded that I'm not actually in control here. This friday will be exactly 6 weeks from surgery on my left hip. For now, surgery on the right hip has been delayed until the left hip is resolved. Hopefully that is soon. The instability/looseness in my hip does seem to be getting better - a little. Although, i'm unable to do fairly basic things that I gather I should be able to do - based on the p.t. protocol. I'm really trying to have a positive outlook. I even got a book on changing from a pessimistic to an optimistic viewpoint :) I think of myself as a realist actually, but if I can trick myself into being more optimistic i am all for it!
While I wait for my left hip to resolve, I've decided to go ahead and have the plates removed from my clavicle. I'm not 100% happy about that decision either though and I have nervousness about whether that will work out as I hope. I have 16 screws and 2 plates in what is not a very large bone. I've been told "just don't fall". I hope that it heals up nice and strong and doesn't re-break. its been a year, so all should be fine. I do wish that my original surgeon was able to do the removal - but she moved to chicago - bummer! so, Dr. S will be going in sight unseen. That will happen next Friday - giving me the long weekend to recover. I'm sort of tempted to just leave it in - at least I know what I'm dealing with there. But, the screws poke up against my skin and can be pretty painful... and carrying a backpack is something I'll hopefully get to do again somewhere in the sierras :)
Life has not been all grim. This last weekend was my nephew's 2nd b-day and it was fun to celebrate with them a little on Friday night, and to catch up with my brother and get wonderful advice on what to do with my future. On saturday and sunday I got to help out the third pillar women's team at the Scotts Valley GP and the Sacramento GP. It was fun to be a part of the team - since I've been absent all season. Its a great combination of solid, strong racers, but without the b.s. and seriousness of a pro team. mellow, fun, strong. Can't wait to get back and race with these women.
Sunday night, Jon and I went to the Meals on Wheels Gala in Fort Mason which was pretty amazing. I was a little bummed because with the couch-weight i've put on I couldn't fit into the dress I planned to wear and still inhale, but i figured somethinge else out and we had a great time. It is set up so a bunch of amazing restaurants come out and cook up a small plate - and you can try all of them. The desserts were off the hook as well. It was a long, fun, thoroughly exhausting weekend. :)
I'm hoping (and please don't tell my doc) to actually ride my bike outside for a tiny bit this weekend. I'm thinking flat along canada road would be a good place to try it out. I'll stop if it feels unstable or painful, but i'm dying for a little wind on my face and endorphins in my blood. I was hoping to go for a walk today - but after p.t. yesterday i'm not sure its a good idea - kind of tender and weird feeling. probably an easy day on the trainer instead.
Today is a beautiful day in the city. Its been foggy and rainy lately, so a day of sun is a welcome change. Jon and I are talking about maybe getting a kitten this weekend. Hopefully, if we do, he and levi will get along well.
thats it for now,
v
Sunday, May 2, 2010
a little scared
Today is kind of a low one. I was planning to hang out with my brother and nephews and go spend a day at the discovery museum in sausalito but i had to cancel. my hip is doing scary things again. That feeling of instability, like my hip will give out on me is back. this morning i rode the stationary bike for a little bit, and then was doing a little stretching. i did a little straight leg stretch - bent over, like touching my toes, and my hip had that strange slippery feeling and then felt like it popped out of the socket - all in the matter of a second or two. startling and painful. and scary since that hadn't happened in almost 2 weeks :( then going up stairs in my house my hip had a sharp pain and instability again. all of a sudden my hip is feeling really loose again - like its dangling in the socket. i debated for a few minutes, but decided that a day of walking around and trying to interact with 2 year olds was a bad idea. seems like a day of even walking around my house is a bad idea. so, i'm on the couch. sad. its sunday so i can't even reach my doctor. i haven't called him yet with my scared questions but i think this deserves a phone call. my worst fears all come to the surface in times like these. what if my surgery made things worse, not better. what if i never even get to bike again, or walk and hike. its a beautiful day outside, but its a dark day here.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
13 days Post op
The last two weeks have been interesting. First off, i think that the initial recovery from surgery was a lot easier than I expected. After the first day or two the pain in my hip was minimal (probably a 2 on a scale of 1-10) and once I was off pain meds (2 days after surgery) my head cleared and the rest of my body started to feel better. It hurt to do certain movements, and I was non-weighbearing, but still - I was hopeful that recovery was going to be a breeze. I think its been hard adjusting from the initial few days of feeling like everything was going well, to the following several days of not much progress. The fact is I had surgery in my hip - bone was removed, cartilidge was removed, and muscles and tissue was moved around quite a bit - so things are going to hurt for a while.
I went back in for my 10 day post op visit with the surgeon this past monday and he was all smiles and happy with how it went and how well I appeared to be doing. He cleared me to shower (yay!!!!!!!!) , swim (with kicking!), stop using the cpm maching, and start weaning off crutches. I was thrilled and left the office with a huge smile on my face - thinking how fun it would be to be walking around without crutches and suprise jon that night. I think maybe I was too pleased, and momentarily forgot that I'd had surgery - thinking those rules of slow recovery don't apply to me. Bad move. Well, I did what the surgeon said and started "weaning" off the crutches - which is a really vague instruction. I did some walkiing without crutches (VERY gimpy/lurchy) and did some crutching with one crutch and some crutching with two crutches with more weight on the left leg. I went on a cleaning/organizing spree around the house - moving things around and clearing out some of the stuff from post-surgery.
The next day I went down to the pool - I did a lap with gentle kicking and breaststroke - and the kicking hurt, so I stopped. I then used the pool bouey and it was fine, but a few times my hip felt like it slipped out of the socket - not a good feeling and it made me a little worried. I was also doing some walking in in the water - thinking this would be a good way to transition into using those muscles again - and it felt fine until hip just slipped and gave out. It was painful and scary and left me a bit shaken. After my hip slipped again with the bouey, i decided to get out of the pool and go home. Plus I had to race back for a work conference call before going to PT (balancing working from home with being a gimp - when everything takes 3 times as long, doctors appointments, and physicial therapy really sucks. I wish I could focus just on recovery. but i guess that is not the way its going to be). Anyway, I did go to physical therapy and asked about the hip slipping issue and she suggested that maybe it was a ligament slipping over bone which feels like the hip slipping out of the socket. I don't know. PT went ok (very mellow), but after leaving, i was using both crutches, and it happened again - left leg had the feeling that it was loose/slippery and then my leg went out. Had I not been on crutches, i woudl have fallen. Scary. So, I'm not giving up the crutches yet. Hopefully that will happen naturally in the next few days. And, I'm trying to look at the recovery in terms of weeks, not days - since progress day to day sometimes goes backwards and definitely doesn't go forward as fast as I'd like.
My worst fear is that surgery to correct too much bone coverage has left me with too little bone coverage - and a form of surgical dysplasia. I hope this is just me being crazy. My hope is that this is just part of recovery - and due to the fact that with the new greater range of motion in my joint I will have to activate and use muscles that have never had to work before - so maybe they just don't know yet how to work - and lead to the slipping feeling. I don't know. For now, I'm riding a stationary bike with no resistance around 40 minutes a day and doing a series of isometric exercises to remind my glutes, hammies, quads and core that its supposed to fire when I move.
Yesterday I also had an MRI with arthogram on the right hip. I have the same structural issue on that hip - though I've had less pain on the right than on the left. I had hoped to have the MRI before surgery on the left hip - since I was still riding my bike a lot and my right hip was aching/hurting. But now, since I've been inactive for 2 weeks, my right hip feels awesome. So, the diagnostic aspect of the MRI is lost - I don't know if the numbing injection in the hip made the pain go away since I wasn't feeling pain at the time. Hopefully the MRI will give an idea of what is going on and how much damage is there. Right now, with the scary stuff on the left hip, I'm starting to feel less certain abotu going ahead with the right hip. But, I want to move forward with the expectation that in a few weeks my left hip will be feeling good and I'll be more confident about the success of the surgery. Funnily, after the injection in my hip (5 inch needle into the joint capsule, with injection of contrast dye and numbing stuff), my right hip feels more painful at times than the left! i guess that is a good sign :)
Today I'm in LA with my parents - I got here last night. It is georgeous here - clear, blue, warm, beachy. I wish i could go walk on the beach. I will at least stick my toes in the sand :) Melodie and Mike get married on Sunday. Mel and I were teammates on Proman and Vanderkitten - here's a photo from our first race together in '08. Totally cracks me up. No brainer that we became very good friends.
I'm looking forward to catching up with my LA girlfriends tonight and tomorrow - I don't get down here enough! Steve and Lynn and the boys are in town too for a little while - so I get to see them and maybe get a little cute overload tomorrow afternoon. Meanwhile, doc review and work emails continue - but trying not to stress about that too much - and to enjoy a little mini break after all the bod's been through.
I went back in for my 10 day post op visit with the surgeon this past monday and he was all smiles and happy with how it went and how well I appeared to be doing. He cleared me to shower (yay!!!!!!!!) , swim (with kicking!), stop using the cpm maching, and start weaning off crutches. I was thrilled and left the office with a huge smile on my face - thinking how fun it would be to be walking around without crutches and suprise jon that night. I think maybe I was too pleased, and momentarily forgot that I'd had surgery - thinking those rules of slow recovery don't apply to me. Bad move. Well, I did what the surgeon said and started "weaning" off the crutches - which is a really vague instruction. I did some walkiing without crutches (VERY gimpy/lurchy) and did some crutching with one crutch and some crutching with two crutches with more weight on the left leg. I went on a cleaning/organizing spree around the house - moving things around and clearing out some of the stuff from post-surgery.
The next day I went down to the pool - I did a lap with gentle kicking and breaststroke - and the kicking hurt, so I stopped. I then used the pool bouey and it was fine, but a few times my hip felt like it slipped out of the socket - not a good feeling and it made me a little worried. I was also doing some walking in in the water - thinking this would be a good way to transition into using those muscles again - and it felt fine until hip just slipped and gave out. It was painful and scary and left me a bit shaken. After my hip slipped again with the bouey, i decided to get out of the pool and go home. Plus I had to race back for a work conference call before going to PT (balancing working from home with being a gimp - when everything takes 3 times as long, doctors appointments, and physicial therapy really sucks. I wish I could focus just on recovery. but i guess that is not the way its going to be). Anyway, I did go to physical therapy and asked about the hip slipping issue and she suggested that maybe it was a ligament slipping over bone which feels like the hip slipping out of the socket. I don't know. PT went ok (very mellow), but after leaving, i was using both crutches, and it happened again - left leg had the feeling that it was loose/slippery and then my leg went out. Had I not been on crutches, i woudl have fallen. Scary. So, I'm not giving up the crutches yet. Hopefully that will happen naturally in the next few days. And, I'm trying to look at the recovery in terms of weeks, not days - since progress day to day sometimes goes backwards and definitely doesn't go forward as fast as I'd like.
My worst fear is that surgery to correct too much bone coverage has left me with too little bone coverage - and a form of surgical dysplasia. I hope this is just me being crazy. My hope is that this is just part of recovery - and due to the fact that with the new greater range of motion in my joint I will have to activate and use muscles that have never had to work before - so maybe they just don't know yet how to work - and lead to the slipping feeling. I don't know. For now, I'm riding a stationary bike with no resistance around 40 minutes a day and doing a series of isometric exercises to remind my glutes, hammies, quads and core that its supposed to fire when I move.
Yesterday I also had an MRI with arthogram on the right hip. I have the same structural issue on that hip - though I've had less pain on the right than on the left. I had hoped to have the MRI before surgery on the left hip - since I was still riding my bike a lot and my right hip was aching/hurting. But now, since I've been inactive for 2 weeks, my right hip feels awesome. So, the diagnostic aspect of the MRI is lost - I don't know if the numbing injection in the hip made the pain go away since I wasn't feeling pain at the time. Hopefully the MRI will give an idea of what is going on and how much damage is there. Right now, with the scary stuff on the left hip, I'm starting to feel less certain abotu going ahead with the right hip. But, I want to move forward with the expectation that in a few weeks my left hip will be feeling good and I'll be more confident about the success of the surgery. Funnily, after the injection in my hip (5 inch needle into the joint capsule, with injection of contrast dye and numbing stuff), my right hip feels more painful at times than the left! i guess that is a good sign :)
Today I'm in LA with my parents - I got here last night. It is georgeous here - clear, blue, warm, beachy. I wish i could go walk on the beach. I will at least stick my toes in the sand :) Melodie and Mike get married on Sunday. Mel and I were teammates on Proman and Vanderkitten - here's a photo from our first race together in '08. Totally cracks me up. No brainer that we became very good friends.
I'm looking forward to catching up with my LA girlfriends tonight and tomorrow - I don't get down here enough! Steve and Lynn and the boys are in town too for a little while - so I get to see them and maybe get a little cute overload tomorrow afternoon. Meanwhile, doc review and work emails continue - but trying not to stress about that too much - and to enjoy a little mini break after all the bod's been through.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
On my way
I'm writing this from my couch - partially reclined - left leg in a gameready machine - being pressurized and iced simultaneously, and in a cpm machine - which is moving it in a nice little up and down flex motion. I'm supposed to be icing with the game ready machine 24 hours a day for the first few days, and in the cpm maching 6-8 hours a day. Luckily, I'm still kinda drowsy and drugged up and not itching to do much more than this.
Surgery was on Friday morning. Jon was still in NYC - so my parents drove up Thursday afternoon and we got everything situated with their bedroom, and all of my christmas goodies - such as a raised toilet seat, a few different kinds of crutches, shower chair, walker, and reacher. My goodness! such good stuff. We then went down to sakae and ate some delicious sushi and i drank a bit too much sake. And then off to bed.
Alarm set for 4:45 am, so I could shower with the special soap as instructed, and get to the surgery center in Redwood city by 5:45. I was regretting the sushi and sake and the fact that i couldn't have anything to drink - as i was feeling a bit queasy - hoping that i'd hold it down until surgery. Once there, we checked in and i met with both the nurse - to get ready for surgery and get my IV in place and with the sales rep to get fitted and instructions for the various equipment I might be taking home. I was told that if I had a labral repair I'd wake up in a hip brace which would stay on, night and day, 24 hours a day for 2 weeks. That hip brace was huge and would have been not so fun. In addition, i'd be in the cpm machine. The CPM machine would be required for 8 weeks if I had a microfracture done. I was hoping for the best case scenario - just the game ready and cpm for 2 weeks. thats what I got :) Now, i say best case scenario, but I gather that the reason they didn't repair the labrun is because it was too far gone to save. So, while I like not being in the brace, I do wish I'd still have a labrum. can't win em all. But, I did not need microfracture - which means that I had enough cartilidge still intact to not need to create any more artifically. This is a very good thing in my book.
Before surgery I also met with the anesthesiologist, the medical student fellow working with my surgeon (who I had met at the pre-op) and the assistant. All were friendly and made me feel at ease. When I was wheeled into surgery - i saw Dr. Safran briefly and was in awe of the massive amounts of modern equipment. Then I said good night :)
My mom and dad talked to my surgeon after the surgery and he explained waht he had found and what he had done. My dad figured out how to use his computer to record the report so I got to hear it later which was really helpful.
When I woke up from surgery I was in a fair amount of pain, and was really foggy/groggy - i just wanted to doze off. I think the pain level was around a 4 or 5. They kept giving me more pain medication by IV but it wasn't helping the pain and was just making me sleepy and wonky. I also started to get really nauseaus, and had some medicine to help with that - along with some saltines and sprite. Once the nausea was under control and the grogginess faded away, we decided it was time for me to get dressed and leave. so, the nurse helped me into my shirt and pants, and i was rolled out the door. The drive home was not so fun. I felt like i'd been hit by a truck and every jolt in the road and every car that came too close felt painful. finally, we arrived at home, and my parents helped me down the 9 steps from the car to the house. Once i got all set up on the couch with my new gear, I was feeling much better. I slept through the night pretty well - waking to take pain meds at about 3, to make sure that any pain was kept in check. I stayed on full meds all day yesterday - which means i was napping a lot :) Last night was fine, except for a bout of nausea and feeling chilled by the ice machine. Today i've cut the dose in half, and so far so good. I'd like to be off the pain meds by tomorrow - I don't like the grogginess/spaciness and I feel like they mess with my body.
It feels weird crutching around - like my hip is loose in its socket. Jon thinks this is because i was in traction - where they pulled the hip out a bit. who knows - i guess that whole area has a lot to relearn. I had a lot of bone shaved off - and have more range of motion now than i ever have - so lots of muscles to strengthen. I'm looking forward to starting P.T. I'm also looking forward to getting this massive bandage off of my leg - whcih happens tomorrow at my first follow up.
I'd say that so far, this is an easier post-surgery situation than when i broke my collarbone. That is probably because with the clavicle there was a lot more damage and trauma with the collar bone surgery - with broken ribs, lots of drilling into bone, and lots of broken clavicle bits. Also, i think having one leg and two arms is easier than two legs and one arm. Except that I can't seem to get my coffee from one place to another - hands are full with the crutches. Thank goodness I've had a full support staff - Mom, Dad and Jon - alll generously helping out as I shout out commands. I'd better not get used to this :)
One last thing - I am feeling very good about my choice of having surgery with Dr. Safran. He and his team were all very professional and everything went flawlessly as far as I could tell. It is confidence inspiring when you are part of a well oiled machine. The Stanford outpatient surgical center was also very nice - felt sort of like a nice hotel. I'm happy to go back and have the second hip operated on there. Maybe i'll have my clavicle plates removed there as well.
signing off,
v
Surgery was on Friday morning. Jon was still in NYC - so my parents drove up Thursday afternoon and we got everything situated with their bedroom, and all of my christmas goodies - such as a raised toilet seat, a few different kinds of crutches, shower chair, walker, and reacher. My goodness! such good stuff. We then went down to sakae and ate some delicious sushi and i drank a bit too much sake. And then off to bed.
Alarm set for 4:45 am, so I could shower with the special soap as instructed, and get to the surgery center in Redwood city by 5:45. I was regretting the sushi and sake and the fact that i couldn't have anything to drink - as i was feeling a bit queasy - hoping that i'd hold it down until surgery. Once there, we checked in and i met with both the nurse - to get ready for surgery and get my IV in place and with the sales rep to get fitted and instructions for the various equipment I might be taking home. I was told that if I had a labral repair I'd wake up in a hip brace which would stay on, night and day, 24 hours a day for 2 weeks. That hip brace was huge and would have been not so fun. In addition, i'd be in the cpm machine. The CPM machine would be required for 8 weeks if I had a microfracture done. I was hoping for the best case scenario - just the game ready and cpm for 2 weeks. thats what I got :) Now, i say best case scenario, but I gather that the reason they didn't repair the labrun is because it was too far gone to save. So, while I like not being in the brace, I do wish I'd still have a labrum. can't win em all. But, I did not need microfracture - which means that I had enough cartilidge still intact to not need to create any more artifically. This is a very good thing in my book.
Before surgery I also met with the anesthesiologist, the medical student fellow working with my surgeon (who I had met at the pre-op) and the assistant. All were friendly and made me feel at ease. When I was wheeled into surgery - i saw Dr. Safran briefly and was in awe of the massive amounts of modern equipment. Then I said good night :)
My mom and dad talked to my surgeon after the surgery and he explained waht he had found and what he had done. My dad figured out how to use his computer to record the report so I got to hear it later which was really helpful.
When I woke up from surgery I was in a fair amount of pain, and was really foggy/groggy - i just wanted to doze off. I think the pain level was around a 4 or 5. They kept giving me more pain medication by IV but it wasn't helping the pain and was just making me sleepy and wonky. I also started to get really nauseaus, and had some medicine to help with that - along with some saltines and sprite. Once the nausea was under control and the grogginess faded away, we decided it was time for me to get dressed and leave. so, the nurse helped me into my shirt and pants, and i was rolled out the door. The drive home was not so fun. I felt like i'd been hit by a truck and every jolt in the road and every car that came too close felt painful. finally, we arrived at home, and my parents helped me down the 9 steps from the car to the house. Once i got all set up on the couch with my new gear, I was feeling much better. I slept through the night pretty well - waking to take pain meds at about 3, to make sure that any pain was kept in check. I stayed on full meds all day yesterday - which means i was napping a lot :) Last night was fine, except for a bout of nausea and feeling chilled by the ice machine. Today i've cut the dose in half, and so far so good. I'd like to be off the pain meds by tomorrow - I don't like the grogginess/spaciness and I feel like they mess with my body.
It feels weird crutching around - like my hip is loose in its socket. Jon thinks this is because i was in traction - where they pulled the hip out a bit. who knows - i guess that whole area has a lot to relearn. I had a lot of bone shaved off - and have more range of motion now than i ever have - so lots of muscles to strengthen. I'm looking forward to starting P.T. I'm also looking forward to getting this massive bandage off of my leg - whcih happens tomorrow at my first follow up.
I'd say that so far, this is an easier post-surgery situation than when i broke my collarbone. That is probably because with the clavicle there was a lot more damage and trauma with the collar bone surgery - with broken ribs, lots of drilling into bone, and lots of broken clavicle bits. Also, i think having one leg and two arms is easier than two legs and one arm. Except that I can't seem to get my coffee from one place to another - hands are full with the crutches. Thank goodness I've had a full support staff - Mom, Dad and Jon - alll generously helping out as I shout out commands. I'd better not get used to this :)
One last thing - I am feeling very good about my choice of having surgery with Dr. Safran. He and his team were all very professional and everything went flawlessly as far as I could tell. It is confidence inspiring when you are part of a well oiled machine. The Stanford outpatient surgical center was also very nice - felt sort of like a nice hotel. I'm happy to go back and have the second hip operated on there. Maybe i'll have my clavicle plates removed there as well.
signing off,
v
Monday, March 29, 2010
Surgery and Patience
After a lot of back and forth and information gathering, I've finally scheduled surgery on my left hip for April 13. That's 2 weeks from tomorrow!
I am so glad to be finally getting started on this whole hip recovery process. I had been hoping to have both hips operated on (and fixed) at the same time. Unfortunately, the surgeon who is willing to do that doesn't take insurance. While the hospital and anesthesiologist would be covered, I'd be out several thousand dollars - on top of my out of pocket maximum for covered services. It was going to be too much. So, I've come to terms with having one surgery at a time. Dr. Safran is very experienced doing surgery for FAI, and seems very knowledgable and meticulous - two things I appreciate very much in someone who will be operating on me. Here is a link to my surgeon:
http://med.stanford.edu/profiles/ortho/researcher/Marc_Safran/
This is going to be a major test of patience for me. Not only will my surgeon only operate on one at a time, he also has a pretty lengthy (and conservative?) post-op protocol. The other surgeon apparently lets you fully weight-bear within a week or so of the bi-lateral surgery (he said i could be off crutches in 3 days!). My surgeon, on the other hand, will have me on crutches for 2-8 weeks - with a maximum of 20 lbs weight bearing on the operated leg. I also will be hooked up to some large machines for several hours a day for up to 8 weeks and going to p.t. 3 times a week. So, its a more involved process. Once i'm off of crutches for the first hip, a month later I can have the other hip operated on - and then the whole process begins again. But, I'm feeling ok about it - I'm hopeful i don't lose my mind during the process and that the conservative route will pay off in the end. Why rush it. I have (hopefully) a lifetime on these hips. If 6-12 months of patience means that I can run again, can compete, train and push myself without pain - then its worth it.
I've already navigated the mental and emotional hurdles of not being able to train and being forced to re-define who I am (am I still an athlete if I can't train or race?) with the various injuries and issues I've had over the past 18 months. I think that was the hardest part. This is the less hard part. My biggest struggle will be fitting in all of the p.t., work, and strength stuff and trying not to gain a ton of weight. I have a tendency to eat more when I do less - and when I'm bummed out. Not a good thing. Hopefully i'll get to swim pretty soon and start doing some core and strength traning to keep me sane and keep the endorphins coming.
Preparing for surgery (and post-surgery) is kind of funny. My mom and dad are coming up from LA to help out - with my mom staying for a week +. This will be absolutely invaluable. We have done this before. Last June when I broke my collarbone in Tulsa and had to have surgery - my mom flew up from LA to meet me at the airport in oakland and stayed with me for a week. It made recovery so much better - not only practically speaking - someone to help me feed myself, put on clothes, grocery shop, pick up pain meds, drive me around - but also mentally. It was nice to have a caring person around to chat with, watch tv with, and keep my mind off of what was happening. So, this time around I'll have my mom and dad for a while, my mom for even longer, and Jon - while he's not working or riding. I think it will be fun :) Work's been stressful and busy lately - so it will be nice to have the break from that as well - to focus solely on healing and taking care of myself.
I'm told I'll be in this lovely contraption for 2-8 weeks for 2-8 hours a day. Jon is already jealous.
I am so glad to be finally getting started on this whole hip recovery process. I had been hoping to have both hips operated on (and fixed) at the same time. Unfortunately, the surgeon who is willing to do that doesn't take insurance. While the hospital and anesthesiologist would be covered, I'd be out several thousand dollars - on top of my out of pocket maximum for covered services. It was going to be too much. So, I've come to terms with having one surgery at a time. Dr. Safran is very experienced doing surgery for FAI, and seems very knowledgable and meticulous - two things I appreciate very much in someone who will be operating on me. Here is a link to my surgeon:
http://med.stanford.edu/profiles/ortho/researcher/Marc_Safran/
This is going to be a major test of patience for me. Not only will my surgeon only operate on one at a time, he also has a pretty lengthy (and conservative?) post-op protocol. The other surgeon apparently lets you fully weight-bear within a week or so of the bi-lateral surgery (he said i could be off crutches in 3 days!). My surgeon, on the other hand, will have me on crutches for 2-8 weeks - with a maximum of 20 lbs weight bearing on the operated leg. I also will be hooked up to some large machines for several hours a day for up to 8 weeks and going to p.t. 3 times a week. So, its a more involved process. Once i'm off of crutches for the first hip, a month later I can have the other hip operated on - and then the whole process begins again. But, I'm feeling ok about it - I'm hopeful i don't lose my mind during the process and that the conservative route will pay off in the end. Why rush it. I have (hopefully) a lifetime on these hips. If 6-12 months of patience means that I can run again, can compete, train and push myself without pain - then its worth it.
I've already navigated the mental and emotional hurdles of not being able to train and being forced to re-define who I am (am I still an athlete if I can't train or race?) with the various injuries and issues I've had over the past 18 months. I think that was the hardest part. This is the less hard part. My biggest struggle will be fitting in all of the p.t., work, and strength stuff and trying not to gain a ton of weight. I have a tendency to eat more when I do less - and when I'm bummed out. Not a good thing. Hopefully i'll get to swim pretty soon and start doing some core and strength traning to keep me sane and keep the endorphins coming.
Preparing for surgery (and post-surgery) is kind of funny. My mom and dad are coming up from LA to help out - with my mom staying for a week +. This will be absolutely invaluable. We have done this before. Last June when I broke my collarbone in Tulsa and had to have surgery - my mom flew up from LA to meet me at the airport in oakland and stayed with me for a week. It made recovery so much better - not only practically speaking - someone to help me feed myself, put on clothes, grocery shop, pick up pain meds, drive me around - but also mentally. It was nice to have a caring person around to chat with, watch tv with, and keep my mind off of what was happening. So, this time around I'll have my mom and dad for a while, my mom for even longer, and Jon - while he's not working or riding. I think it will be fun :) Work's been stressful and busy lately - so it will be nice to have the break from that as well - to focus solely on healing and taking care of myself.
I'm told I'll be in this lovely contraption for 2-8 weeks for 2-8 hours a day. Jon is already jealous.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Success!
Yesterday's commute was a success! Instead of riding my fancy carbon bike to work and risking it being stolen, I rebuilt my Klein with some decent parts and am using that as my commuter bike. It is riding reallllly nicely (thanks Dmitri!). It is probably a few pounds heavier than my normal bike, and slightly different geometry. Funnily, the bike's stem isn't adjustable at all - its old school - and all one piece. So, the only thing that is adjustable really is my saddle. I'm lucky it fits as well as it does! I scored on this bike on craigslist back in 2002 or 2003. It was my first road bike and I loved the Klein. She had a triple chain ring and some random parts, but totally functional. I raced my first year on that bike - and upgraded to a cat 3 all on the Klein. Pretty cool. I then went out and splurged on a cervelo and that was so amazing - I felt like i was cheating... anyway, i digress.
So, riding the Klein is a bit different, as is riding with a bag. I'm hoping I can figure out how to make the bag a bunch lighter as I go forward. I think leaving the big lock at work and toiletries at the gym is a start.
The commute was a success. The views were beautiful. I went up and over San Bruno to Skyline, down to great ocean road...
Up along the cliff house and lands end, through the legion of honor...
past baker beach to the bridge. Since I had time and it was beautiful, I decided to add on the Marin headlands loop. It was sloooow going up that hill, but so worth it for the georgeous views going down the back side.
So, riding the Klein is a bit different, as is riding with a bag. I'm hoping I can figure out how to make the bag a bunch lighter as I go forward. I think leaving the big lock at work and toiletries at the gym is a start.
The commute was a success. The views were beautiful. I went up and over San Bruno to Skyline, down to great ocean road...
Up along the cliff house and lands end, through the legion of honor...
past baker beach to the bridge. Since I had time and it was beautiful, I decided to add on the Marin headlands loop. It was sloooow going up that hill, but so worth it for the georgeous views going down the back side.
I'll be sad when that road is closed - which I hear is from April through October. I'm hoping that will coincide with surgery/recovery - so its there when I'm back. Selfish, yes. After the loop, I rode back across the GG bridge, dodging tourists, and down along the marina green to downtown. It went very smoothly, and I was showered and in the office by noon. Sometimes i forget how lucky I am (for so many reasons) to get to have all of that riding, fresh air, views, endorphins, before work. It is so rad.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
New Commute
Today I am finally breaking in my new plan of riding to work. Its been raining here alot lately and I'm finally getting over this lingering cold, so I decided today is the day. I'm meeting Jon in Burlingame for dinner tonight, so I get to try out caltrain on the way home for the first time too... should be quite a learning experience. I'm excited.
How fitting that google maps now has directions by bike!!
http://airbornecombatengineer.typepad.com/in_decatur/2010/03/google-maps-now-providing-bike-directions.html
How fitting that google maps now has directions by bike!!
http://airbornecombatengineer.typepad.com/in_decatur/2010/03/google-maps-now-providing-bike-directions.html
Monday, March 8, 2010
Unfolding
The past 18 months have been quite a ride. In summer 2008 I was racing my bike like a fiend. Loving the sport, the training, the competition, the possibilities. Then, I overtrained, crashed hard, and apparently dug myself into a hole. The end of the 2008 season was disappointing, mind bending, and hard. Priorities changed along with my perspective, but I continued to want to train, compete, succeed. Winter of 2008/2009 brought a strange and undefined health problem that took me to many doctors without a solution. In retrospect, I think i was overtrained, exhausted, and beaten down. My body needed to rest and recover and when I refused to listen, I got slapped around a little. Unable to train, unable to breathe. It was rough. But, February 2009 came and I started to ride, to train, hoping to get fit enough to race again at the level of the year before. The training was hard, the racing disappointing. Finally, I had clawed my way back into shape enough to feel like I could be a factor in races, and then BAM - Taken out at 30mph in a crit in Tulsa in May 2009. Shattered collarbone, broken ribs. Surgery required. 2 plates and 16 screws later, I had no more mojo to get back on my bike for the rest of the season. I couldn't bring myself to fight back into shape on what little base I'd accumulated during the spring. So, I rested, reevaluated. Adjusted priorities and goals.
It was then that I started dreaming of running again. I had stopped running in 2005 after years of injuries had repeatedly sidelined me from training. I was never a fast runner. But i loved it. The endorphins, the trails, the solitude, the views, the air. I had been so sad to give it up when I tossed the running shoes for the bike in 2005, but it seemed the only choice at the time. In Fall of 2009 I started to think, if I took it slow, kept up core strength, did cross training - maybe I could run without pain and injury. Maybe I could compete in a trail run. Maybe I could even do a triathlon again. So, i bought some running shoes, bought a book on chi running, and started to run.
I didn't get very far. In June of 2009, on a few rides after my injury, I started to have what I thought was a groin pull. It hurt getting on and off my bike and sometimes while riding. I had no trouble on a backpacking trip in September, but by October, it was hurting pretty badly. My little runs had become impossible - sore and achy from the waist down, but particularly my hips. The hip flexor tendonitis of 2002/2003 came back with just a few minutes of jogging.
Then I went to my surgeon for a follow up on my clavicle surgery in October 2009 and asked her if she knew any good hip doctors - I thought I needed some P.T. and once again, that I was just destined not to run. She asked some questions and took some xrays and told me that I had "FAI" - short for femoral acetabular impingement. That I could try physical therapy, could try a steroid injection, but if those didn't work, I'd need surgery.
So, here I am, March 2010. PT didn't solve the problem. I've decided to have surgery to fix dem hips. Right now, I'm planning on surgery in early April. Surgery on the second hip would be a few months later.
I'm not expecting surgery or recovery to be easy. Knowing myself, it is going to be incredibly hard to be laid up on crutches and inactive for months at a time. But, I am hopeful that afterwards I'll get back not only to biking pain free, but that I may be able to run again. I have set a goal in my mind that I'll do a triathlon in 2011. Maybe sooner. We shall see.
This is my story.
I didn't get very far. In June of 2009, on a few rides after my injury, I started to have what I thought was a groin pull. It hurt getting on and off my bike and sometimes while riding. I had no trouble on a backpacking trip in September, but by October, it was hurting pretty badly. My little runs had become impossible - sore and achy from the waist down, but particularly my hips. The hip flexor tendonitis of 2002/2003 came back with just a few minutes of jogging.
Then I went to my surgeon for a follow up on my clavicle surgery in October 2009 and asked her if she knew any good hip doctors - I thought I needed some P.T. and once again, that I was just destined not to run. She asked some questions and took some xrays and told me that I had "FAI" - short for femoral acetabular impingement. That I could try physical therapy, could try a steroid injection, but if those didn't work, I'd need surgery.
So, here I am, March 2010. PT didn't solve the problem. I've decided to have surgery to fix dem hips. Right now, I'm planning on surgery in early April. Surgery on the second hip would be a few months later.
I'm not expecting surgery or recovery to be easy. Knowing myself, it is going to be incredibly hard to be laid up on crutches and inactive for months at a time. But, I am hopeful that afterwards I'll get back not only to biking pain free, but that I may be able to run again. I have set a goal in my mind that I'll do a triathlon in 2011. Maybe sooner. We shall see.
This is my story.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)